Simulation and Kindness

Traffic on a highway at night
© Adam36 | Dreamstime Stock Photos

The weekend was full of K-drama. Goblin, to be precise. Seriously, DramaFever is going to become my favorite timesink. I fell into Scarlet Heart Ryeo first of all, and have not looked back since. I love me some history, and I love me some paranormal, and I love love love me some angst.

So that, with a bunch of housework and playing with some fun things for my favorite editor’s delectation, was my weekend. I’m reading Bill Schutt’s Cannibalism, too, which is entertaining, to say the least.

But the thing I’ve been thinking about all weekend, when my brain settles into that peculiar hum of Curious Questions To Mull, is the crop of breathless stories about how “reality may be just a computer simulation.” Every time one of those comes up, I read it, and I am left amused.

The thing is, we made computers inside the framework of our processing of reality. It’s kind of putting the tail before the snake to assume reality, per se, is a simulation because the things we built process it the way we do.

…you can also tell I’ve been reading Kierkegaard lately. Well, not really Kierkegaard, but people writing about his philosophy. I don’t think I’m quite ready to tackle Either, Or yet. Frankly, I stop agreeing with him at the religious stage, but I suppose that’s only to be expected. His “leap of faith,” to me, is merely an abdication of responsibility. I get that he was fascinated by the Abraham and Isaac story, but I still think Abraham was an asshole for not telling his God to go fuck himself. A god who asks a parent to kill their child is wrong, and not one I care to spend any energy worshiping.

So, I believe I’ll stop firmly at Kierkegaard’s ethical stage, and leave the religious for others to murder each other over. I’m getting too old to coax assholes into behaving better.

All the same…I ran across an Arthur Conan Doyle quote today in the AWAD newsletter, and it summed up that entire uphill battle in a way I think is fitting and best.

I should dearly love that the world should be ever so little better for my presence. Even on this small stage we have our two sides, and something might be done by throwing all one’s weight on the scale of breadth, tolerance, charity, temperance, peace, and kindliness to man and beast. We can’t all strike very big blows, and even the little ones count for something. -Arthur Conan Doyle, physician and writer (22 May 1859-1930)

Kierkegaard may not agree, but I know I do. In the end, it matters little if this is a simulation, or a cold, uncaring, random existence, or both, or neither. What matters is that we behave as if things like decency, kindness, and tolerance matter. I feel no qualms about asserting that even if they do not, in the end, we must act as if they do, simply because it is right to do so.

And now, my chickadees, it’s time for a run, and for wordcount, and for any small act of kindness I can perform along the way.

Over and out.

Deciding to Decide

The weekend was…difficult. It wasn’t until this morning that I realized it was somewhat of a perfect storm, between release-day nerves and finishing the revision of the Afterwar zero, not to mention a traditionally stressful time of year.

I mean, I should have figured it out when all I wanted to do was knit and sob while watching a cryfest K-drama (oh, my God, Jung is the BEST PRINCE IN SCARLET HEART RYEO and if you don’t think so I WILL FITE YOU) and drinking endless cups of tea while it rained outside, but eh, emotional exhaustion doesn’t lend itself to such realizations. I was also in the dolors thinking I had no more books left in me, which is a GIGANTIC NEON BILLBOARD SIGN that I’m not thinking clearly and I need to call a time-out for self-care.

On days like that, the best bargain I can make is “just get through today. If you’re still breathing when you go to bed, it’s a win.” When things get truly dire, it’s “just get through the next 60 seconds.” I haven’t had a 60-second day in a long, long while, and gods willing, I won’t ever again. I’ll take the “just getting to bedtime.”

In any case, the sun has risen on another rainy day, and I feel scraped-hollow but mostly at peace. I’m thinking of adding Greek to my daily language rounds, simply because it seems a good way to understand botanical terms. Also, if one is set to learn Latin, one must at least nod to Greek. Or so I’m told. We’ll see if the alphabet breaks me.

So today is for eyeing the next hill. I’m not sure if it’s the vampire smut novella, or if I want to go in a different direction. Someone asked me for a scarecrow moment (oh, you’ll recognize it when you see it) and my very favorite editor is asking me for epic fantasy. Plus there are other things I want to get done, but I’m not in a condition to really make the decision of what to put into the hopper just yet.

I’m taking a page from the transtheoretical model of change, which is just chock-full of useful applications. I’m not deciding what to work on just yet, I’m deciding to decide. Which is a small and very useful distinction, one I wish more people were familiar with. If you don’t know a change/project is possible, if you haven’t even entertained the notion, you’re cut off before you start. Setting aside time to think over possibilities, deciding to decide, is a good thing.

Of course, it’s pouring outside, and I’ve a run to get in. The physical misery will no doubt force me to make a few decisions, most likely accompanied by swearing. At least when it’s raining this hard I might not get bees trying to fly into my mouth.

Small mercies.

LOVE, BITE Release Day!

The Angelov Wolves

Hey, so, if you’re interested in the werewolf smut…it’s out today, and $2.99 until June 1!

Love, Bite

Mia Roussel is putting her life back together. She’s had therapy, she has two new jobs, and if her ex-boyfriend will just stay away, she’ll be just fine. Especially if Konstantin Angelov has anything to say about it.

Kon’s family is…different. And as soon as he catches Mia’s scent, he knows he’s found something special. He plans on taking it slow, taking it easy, and giving her plenty of time.

Unfortunately, Mia’s violent ex has plans too, and Kon might have to do a little more than growl to keep his new mate safe…

Available for Kindle.

I’m trying out KU for a while. If that’s not for you, there’s a paperback, too! I hope you like Mia’s adventures–and yes, I have sequels planned, for as long as this is fun. Stay tuned!

Five Bucks of GREATNESS

We must snootboop every book.

So last Friday Mel Sterling reminded me about a book sale I’d tentatively said might be interesting. She was already on her way, and I’d just gotten home from an emergency trip to see a store about a hoodie. (Don’t ask.) I was THISCLOSE to not going, but I figured, well, anytime I see my writing partner is a good time. So I buckled into the car and went.

And OH MY WORD IT WAS LIKE HEAVEN. $5 for a BOX full of research goodness!

mmmmm crunchy.

Seriously. I couldn’t have found more weird niche stuff for my interests if I’d tried.

And to think I almost didn’t go. Let that be a lesson to me. The answer to a book sale is always, always yes.

Not New, But Still Shiny

Steelflower

GUESS WHAT.

NO, COME ON. GUESS.

OKAY FINE I’LL TELL YOU.

That’s right. Since the previous publisher went out of business, I’m putting out Steelflower on my own. Currently, you can buy the ebook directly; it will be in KU during the month of June, and the new paperback should be out by the end of June as well.

Yes, I’m trying to get back to work on Book 2. Trying. We’ll see what happens.

There now, aren’t you glad I told you?

Procrastination Station

Well hello, my darlings. How is your Wednesday? My retelling of Beauty & the Beast is still $2.99 over on Kindle, until May 12; on June 1, it’ll be pulled from KU and put into wider distribution again. Also, stay tuned for a Love, Bite announcement next week–that’s the werewolf smut, for those of you keeping track.

The Anna Beguine books are fun. I’m enjoying just letting my hair down and writing whatever pleases me. It’s very liberating, to write under a different name. There’s not the pressure I’ve been feeling lately. Now if I can just get the metaslider on the homepage to perform like a carousel, I’d be all-bloody-set. But that’s a battle for a different day, now that I’ve got the first Angelov Wolves book out of the way.

Today was supposed to be 50F and rainy, but the big yellow glaring thing in the sky is back. Miss B is recovering from our run yesterday, and I probably should too. I kind of want to go for a bike ride, though. Just to move, to keep the blood flowing. Or maybe I’m using exercise to procrastinate. (It’s only a borderline healthy habit, really.) Considering that tomorrow is my long run for the week, maybe I should just stick to yoga today.

Yeah, right.

On the bright side, sunshine and warmth mean I can leave my office window open a bit without freezing to death. That will help dispel some of the fug from whatever Odd Trundles managed to stuff into his digestive system last night in the backyard. I won’t need a gas mask, just eyedrops.

It’s the little victories, I guess.

Well, I could practice some piano, go on a walk, read another book on Stalingrad, pull some stinking geranium…

…but that’s procrastination, too.

*puts on goggles*

NO SLEEP ‘TIL REVISION. OVER AND OUT.