Hoping For Temporary

The third and final!

I…might have to rethink November’s schedule.

In a normal year, I would be able to do NaNoWriMo and get other projects done on the side, no problem. Piece of cake, because it’s just a normal workload, after all.

But after two years of pandemic plus a fascist coup1 and a few personal-life events, I think I’m beginning to crack.

In other words, I can write this damn novel or I can get the revisions for Black God’s Heart done. I can’t gear-shift between the two in a single day, as I normally would. And this is driving me, in technical terms, utterly batshit.

I’m used to writing at least four new books at any given time2, juggling between them as they reach different stages of the process. Revisions can generally take up two of those daily working slots, while CEs and proofs are short-term intense efforts requiring a few days of complete effort, all my engines turned to the task at hand. This is the way I’ve worked since the beginning.

But now, it appears I can either work on a new book3, or I can do the revisions. I can’t do both. I’m unsure how long the damn revisions will take (another new thing, thanks, I hate it) and that might push the goal I’ve set myself–finishing Ghost Squad #2 during NaNo–into the realm of utter impossibility.

This infuriates me to a degree I am slightly baffled by. There have been only two times in my life the words have flat-out refused to come4 and I am somewhat frightened the current state of affairs presages a third. For someone used to juggling chainsaws with some facility, if not ease, it’s…disconcerting.

Really disconcerting.

I’m hoping this is temporary. I’m hoping a good hard run or two and a couple days’ worth of internal pep talks will remove whatever this damn blockage is. I’m used to being able to will–or simply flat-out endure–my way out of problems; this time, throwing myself against the wall is producing a little less of a dent than usual.

At least the weather is nice and grey. And at least NaNo is only a personal goal, not a hard-and-fast one. Still…the thought that I might be cracking under the strain and becoming unable to work at even half my usual pace is terrifying, and I would really prefer not to have that hanging around while I’m trying to concentrate.

So…if you, my beloveds, are having similar issues, you’re not alone. We’ve been holding on for so long, and the frustration–we could have been done with this and focusing on rebuilding by now, if not for some selfish, racist asshats–is intense, at least for me. If you’re having trouble concentrating, if you’re only working at half speed or less, this is entirely reasonable. I mean, just look at what we’re facing. It’s a wonder any of us bother to get out of bed at this rate, even when forced by the exigencies of survival under late-stage capitalism.

I don’t even have a ding-dang suggestion for overcoming or whatnot. “I suppose we just have to hold on,” isn’t a suggestion. It’s more like a desperate prayer.

Regardless, there’s coffee to finish and the dogs to get out for a walk. Yesterday I spent with the NaNo novel, today I’ll spend with the damn revisions. If something’s got to give, it’s going to have to be Klemp and Beck at the moment. I know they’ll wait, and yet…

Tuesday beckons. I keep giving the baseball bat longing looks.

Time to get started.

  1. Still being attempted, by the way–we’re past the Beer Hall Putsch and are only waiting for a burning Reichstag…
  2. Using one zero draft to make another “jealous” and force it to unstick is one of my favorite tricks.
  3. And keep the serial going, let’s not forget that.
  4. One was relatively mild and temporary while I was under extreme duress, and the other was total while I was buying the current chez.

4 thoughts on “Hoping For Temporary”

  1. Indeed – life & writing & other things have been perverse the past couple of weeks. Started good, end of October. Have wonderful new laptop courtesy of wonderful nephew. Started new story, going great, and laptop simply played dead this morning. After I’d fixed a delicious breakfast to start the day. Always write first thing. Did all I could to get going. Nothing. And I had not email-saved the chapter like I always do, so fearing/sweating major loss. Got in touch with nephew. Moved laptop to another room. Ate, washed dishes, cleaned litter pan – and returned to try again, just in case. And now Everything Is Working Perfectly.
    Absolutely no reason why it wouldn’t at the first, and no reason why it would “fix” itself as it did. Not a wifi issue, so #+%$!
    That feeling of suddenly being dropped in a pit remains.
    Good luck!

    • Sometimes even laptops just Need A Minute. I’m glad it sorted itself out, though I’m very sorry for the wear on your nerves. Any sort of tech foulup is like a cheese grater right across one’s mood.

  2. It really has been a lot. On our side of the world it was like 2020 set out to prove just how horrible a year could be, and then 2021 came along and said, “Hold my beer. I’m gonna make this personal.” Looks like I picked the wrong year to quit drinking/smoking/sniffing glue/etc…

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