Offertorium Profane

Jungle It’s a rough morning around here. (I am wearing this expression.)

Me: “Time to get up for school.”
Little Prince: “I’m trying.”

Princess: “Hand-eye coordination is so not my thing at this hour.”
Me: “It’s not my thing at any hour.”

Odd Trundles: “IF I CHEW THIS DEER ANTLER YOU WON’T LEAVE! LOOK! LOOK, I’M CHEWING!” *trips because Miss B nips at his back leg, falls facefirst* “OOOOOOOOH MUM I’M INJURED, I CAN’T GO ON–“
Miss B: *looks a little shamed, but not much* “…I THOUGHT THAT WOULD SHUT HIM UP.”
Me: “For God’s sake.”
Princess: “You’d think he’d figure out doing this every morning doesn’t work.”
Odd: “OOOOOH I’M WOUNDED, MEDIC! *whistlefart* WOUNDED! HAAAALP!”

Princess: “Is your shirt on inside out?”
Little Prince: *makes face, runs away down stairs*
Princess: “YOUR FACE WILL FREEZE LIKE THAT!”
Me: “It was.”
Princess: “Frozen?”
Me: “No, inside out. Let it go.”
Princess: “…I knew you were going to go there.”

Miss B: “QUIT SNIFFING MY BUTT.”
Odd Trundles: “BUT I LOVE YOU.”
B: “NO YOU DON’T, YOU JUST WANT TO HUMP SOMETHING.”
Odd: *licks obsessively*
B: “CUT IT OUT!”
Odd: *begins dominance mounting*
B: “THAT’S IT.”
*massive noise ensues*
Me: “FOR GOD’S SAKE I HAVEN’T EVEN HAD COFFEE YET!”
*both dogs ignore me*

There is just not enough caffeine in the world. I’ve decided to blast Mozart’s Requiem as a warning. Odd will no doubt howl along with some parts, in between licking my ankles.

Everyone’s a critic.

Notify of
martianmooncrab
martianmooncrab

another reason to avoid mornings alltogether in my book..