On Snow Leopards

Snow Leopard in the Altai Mountain region Let me tell you a story. It involves my ex, but it’s not that kind of story. He’s not a bad person, and there were several years of things working as they should in our relationship.

During one of those years, we had a conversation about snow leopards.

“In Tibet,” he told me, “there’s snow leopards, and there’s dogs. The difference is when you throw a rock at them.”

“You shouldn’t throw rocks at animals anyway,” I objected.

“Shhh, this is about why I love you. So they say, you throw a rock at a dog, it runs away.”

“You still shouldn’t throw–” I was getting a little miffed on behalf of these poor animals.

“I know, bear with me, okay? A dog runs away. But you throw a rock at a snow leopard, you know what it does? It vectors the trajectory and comes for where the rock originated, figuring there’s food there one way or another.”

“As well they should. People shouldn’t throw rocks at animals.”

“See, THIS is why I love you.”

Which just puzzled me more. “Because I don’t throw rocks?”

“Because you’re a snow leopard. People can’t tell that from a distance, but if they throw a rock, they fucking find out.”

“…that’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me.”

He grinned. “I aim to please.”

Yeah, there were reasons I married him, even if things ended up where they did.

Anyway, the whole point of this trip down Memory Lane: be a snow leopard, chickadees. When a rock hits you, figure out where where it comes from, and if there’s food there, kill it and eat its still-steaming body…

Crap. I think the metaphor broke down. I need more coffee.

Over and out.

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Michael Mock
Michael Mock

“Crap. I think the metaphor broke down.”

Nonsense! All the best metaphors end with blood, evisceration, and/or dismemberment! Or ashes and smoke. Smoke and ashes are good, too.

martianmooncrab
martianmooncrab

Nice Kitty!

mulletbraid
mulletbraid

Have friends with a cat they named HellCat (or something of that ilk) For Good Reason. If you played with it using one of those cat fishing poles, it crouched and stared at the toy– and didn’t move. It traced from the toy up the string. Looked down the pole. Looked at your hand a moment and then up your arm to your shoulder, up your neck …. and finally launched itself at your FACE. Which is slightly tangental to your story, which is quite sweet for one containing steaming guts. Life would be much less messy if people truly… Read more »

Stephanie
Stephanie

I’m sitting on my sofa with a Cheshire cat grin. I consider this Good Advice!

murgatroid98
murgatroid98

Excellent!

Paul
Paul

Ha! Reminds me of a Janet Evanovich character – Stephanie Plum – who, with the aid of a colleague, tries to search a felon’s apartment that is guarded by a pet alligator. They took a big bucket of fried chicken to distract the alligator while they searched. The first few pieces of chicken the friend threw, the alligator chased. Then it figured out where the chicken was coming from and went after the whole bucket. The bucket and chicken got thrown out the open door, followed by the alligator – and so began the story with an alligator wandering around… Read more »