Life, MiscellaneousPersonal Schmersonal

I Like Being Divorced

single This morning at breakfast the Princess told me about a list of “Reasons I Love Being Single” she saw somewhere on the wide, wide internet. (It involved eating popcorn out of a hoodie, which she has resolved to try as soon as possible.)

Then she asked, “Do you like being single?”

I never thought I’d hear one of my kids ask that. It was an exotic moment. What’s the appropriate way to express “profound gutclenching relief at the absence of one’s erstwhile marital partner” to one’s child? There’s a whole tangle of feelings there, ones she doesn’t need to hear me voice and ones she probably does. In the end, I just said, “Yeah, I like not having to shave my legs,” and left it at that. Maybe I shouldn’t have.

Anyway, yes, I do like being single. I like it a lot. I flat-out love being divorced.

* The living space is cleaner. Much, much cleaner. Somehow the Y chromosome seems to make it difficult for someone to toss their dirty clothes into a hamper. Actually, that’s not true, the Little Prince has been doing it since he was able to put his own pyjamas on at the end of the day. Maybe it’s some weird societal training males don’t get thoroughly inculcated. It’s not just clothes, either. My ex was like a toddler–when he lost interest in something, he dropped it and let it lay where it fell. This is okay when you’re two or three, but not so much when you’re forty. Especially when it includes fruit peels and bowls of rice. Ugh.

* The bed is all mine. Nobody stealing the covers. Nobody poking me in the middle of the night. No snoring–well, except for Odd Trundles, and his snoring has become proof that he’s still alive. Nobody waking me up if I manage to snatch a few hours of unconsciousness, because he has a great idea or needs desperately to talk about his feelings. When I’m awakened in the middle of the night now, it’s for a legitimate reason–like vomit, or screaming, or Odd’s sleep apnea. (That dog is BROKEN, OMG. Poor thing.) Of course, Miss B worms her way as close as she can and I end up hugging her most mornings, but she doesn’t steal the covers or kick me. I can live with that.

* I don’t gotta shave my legs. Funny thing, now that I don’t have to, I end up doing it more frequently, just because I feel like it. There, more than you ever wanted to know about my personal grooming habits. You’re welcome.

* Speaking of personal grooming… The bathrooms are SO MUCH CLEANER. Exponentially cleaner. Some of this may be because the kids are old enough to start contributing to chores…but a lot of it is also that they seem to have the trick of hitting the toilet bowl 99% of the time.

* No LOOKATMEs. You know that phase kids go through, where if you’re not looking at them, they fear they don’t exist, so they require constant attention? That phase where they’ll come up and breathe on you while you’re working just to get it? They eventually outgrow that…well, mine did. I’m still trying to figure out why so many people I’ve dated (male or female) haven’t. The LOOKATME LOOKATME LOOKATME will sigh loudly, fidget loudly, do anything they can to drag your attention off whatever you’re working on or involved in. I can understand the need to require a partner’s attention, I really can. But constantly having the LOOKATMEs, day in, day out, for years? Nope. Nope, nope nope. So glad to be free of that.

* Much less bullshit. I’ve dated a couple times since the divorce. It was nice enough for a while, but I find I’ve lost patience for that sort of thing. Of course, you could say that I’m at least half the problem, since I’m a difficult person. I’m okay with that. Throwing in the towel (especially after one of those dating relationships ended when I found out the person had been reading my diary, my God, REALLY? What are you, TWELVE? SO DONE WITH THIS) was liberating. No angst over when to call, if to call, no wondering, no contorting myself to fit around someone else’s issues. (Have too many of my own, sorry, kthxbai.)

* Wearing pyjamas all day. I don’t have to dress up to go to the grocery store or head out to a coffee date. I don’t even have to think “well, I should probably make an effort to get into real clothes just in case…” It’s yoga pants and tank tops all the time. Once the kids are at school, even yoga pants become optional. This is also a reason I love my job.

* Eating what I want. I’m not talking about stress-eating pints of Cherry Garcia. I’m talking about having garlic soup for a couple days if I feel like it. And consequently exuding allium byproducts without worrying about being offensive to someone’s tender nose. (The kids like garlic as much as I do.) Ah, freedom.

* No judging. No silent or not-so-silent judging of what I read, wear, watch, or what I don’t read, wear, watch.

* No days off. Of course, there are days when I wish someone else could pick a kid up from school, and if I get sick, too bad so sad, shit’s gotta get done no matter how awful I feel. Strange as it sounds, this is in the plus column, partly because it gives me a good reason to take care of myself. Mostly it’s a good thing because it was how things were while I was married, too; I just had one more person to take care of. When I realized that, as the person who the buck stopped on, I could arrange things to suit myself, things started getting a lot clearer for me.

There are more, but maybe I should just leave it at that. Suffice to say I’m happier, and I plan on staying that way.

Especially if there’s more garlic soup to be had.

  Subscribe  
Notify of
Skyla Dawn Cameron

LOVE.

Despite the lovely men out there, I seem psychologically programmed to be attracted to fuckwits, and I have neither the time for that bullshit nor the need to put up with it just to be paired off. I was with someone for so long, I had no idea how much I’d enjoy being alone, but the silence and relief that comes with it is immeasurable.

Except the bed thing. My cats have always taken up more room than any human in the bed.

Proteus

Your comment reminded me of my mom. When asked if she would start dating again she replied ” after 2 marriages I have realized I have a taste for shit. So, no I won’t “. I love my mom, she’s so subtle .

Skyla Dawn Cameron

HAHAHA my mum is like that too–it’s probably where I get it from. She dated for years and years, and now she’s in her sixties, and she tells people (often men when they ask): “Men get on my nerves and I don’t have time for their bullshit. I’d rather spend time with my horse.”

Victoria (aka Zemfirka)

Great post! Thank you for sharing. Even though I love being married, I can definitely see and appreciate a few of the freedoms above that I would like to have back.

Herne

As a man, I have to say that I not really happy about being single, but I am happy about being “unattached” or “unmarried.” For one thing, I’m not responsible enough for myself, so I could never see myself being responsible enough for myself AND someone else and possibly offspring too. However, sometimes it’s nice to have someone to turn to when you have an “a-ha moment” or just to say, “look at that!”

Also it would be nice to have a travel companion.

nightsmusic

I read you all the time though I rarely comment, but I have to say, YOU GO! I’ve been married for 32 years, mostly happily, but I’ve told my girls before, if anything ever happened to their dad, there would NEVER, EVER be another man in my life! I have no patience left for them and though I love my husband dearly, there are a lot of days I no longer have patience for him either.

kerys85

Thank you.You summed up what I have been thinking and feeling, and did it in such a lovely way. It’s like you read my mind, or diary. 😉

Colleen Champagne

I was married 27 years and have been widowed for 2. I loved my husband very much but honest to god I will never ever never get married again. I assume I will date or something sooner or later but hitching my wagon to the back of some ass, nope, not gonna happen!

inkgrrl
As Husband #2, I can say that @sblackmoore suffers from few to none of the disadvantages mentioned above. If anything, I have to check in with him to see what he wants me to look at, as he’s not massively insecure about having my full attention at all times (vs. #1, who seemed to take great delight in breaking my concentration All. The. Time., even though I was the one holding down two jobs to pay all the bills argh stopping rant now). That said, would I go for #3 if things fell apart with #2? Likely not. As I’ve… Read more »
Linda
Me Too! I have had one marriage (15 years together) and three relationships, and as of this year, I am officially done. So many things you wrote resonated with me. Personally, I am sick of seeing strong women…lessened. made to squash themselves down into a box to be ‘married’. I don’t know if all, or even most men are like this, but as the mother of two sons, I have sworn to myself to make them better men than most of those I have associated with. Finally, I am free, and happy. Able to be me rather than what a… Read more »
martianmooncrab

its when they dont leave to go home… or they want part of your closet (there isnt enough room in there for my stuff..) or a drawer or two… and we wont even start about stuff in the bathroom. I know where my toothbrush is, my tweezers, my backup roll of toilet tissue.

I vowed years ago never to clean up after anyone else (except a pet) and its a good goal to keep.