Life, MiscellaneousSquirrelTerrorWeirdsville

Fred and George Find Shelter

IMG_0799 It’s Wednesday! Which means there’s a fresh chapter of Selene up. Also, in case you missed it…Squirrel!Terror is about to rise again. I’m pondering a Kickstarter campaign for it.

When last we left Fred and George, they were arguing about what exactly art consisted of, and pondering the nature of attraction. Little did they know, however…

 

 

Statue Speaks Miranda the Oracle: “I can hear you, you know.”
“JESUS CHRIST! YOU’RE ALIVE!”
Miranda: “You’re a pair of ceramic squirrels. You’re surprised?”
“YOU’RE…CONCRETE. THERE’S A GNOME UP THERE WHO–”
Miranda: “Thank you, George. Willard will not bother me. Not after last time.”
“YOU, UH, YOU KNOW OUR NAMES?”
Miranda: “I know many things. Besides, you shout.”
“IT’S A BLOODY HABIT NOW. CAN’T HELP IT.”
Miranda: “I know. Your friend seems to have fainted.”
“FRED? OH, YEH. HE’S THE NERVOUS TYPE.”
Miranda: “It’s good you’re not. I have some things to tell you.”
“…THEY’RE NOT ABOUT WOMBATS, ARE THEY?”
Miranda: “What? No. Listen closely…”

IMG_0799 “THIS? THIS IS IT? WE FOLLOW A STATUE’S ADVICE FOR–”
“NOT LIKE YOU HAD ANY BETTER IDEAS, SLEEPING BEAUTY.”
“IT WAS A TALKING STATUE, FOR GOD’S SAKE.”
“UM, FRED?”
“WHAT?”
“THERE’S THE SIGN.”
“WHAT SIGN?”
Miss B: “Hallo there! Miranda must have sent you.”
“AUGH!”

IMG_0803 Miss B: “Bit nervous, isn’t he.”
“HIGH-STRUNG. YOU SOUND FAMILIAR–YOU FROM OZ? I MEAN, ARE YOU AN AUSSIE?”
Miss B: “That’s what they call me. Actually, I’m descended from Basque sheepdogs, so just don’t run.”
“DON’T RUN?”
Miss B: “It makes me chase you.”
“…WELL THEN. RIGHTY-O. I’M GEORGE, BY THE WAY. PAY NO ATTENTION TO FRED THERE, HE’S CATATONIC WITH TERROR.”
Miss B: “I get that a lot. I’m Miss B, and do address me with respect. So, what is it you need? Any friend of Miranda’s, you know.”

IMG_0804“WELL, HONESTLY, THINGS SEEM PRETTY MARVY HERE. FOOD EVERYWHERE, NICE PEOPLE. WE JUST NEED TWO THINGS.”
Miss B: “And what would those be?”
“WELL, SHELTER OF COURSE. MIRANDA SAID TO ASK YOU ABOUT THAT. AND A BIT OF ALE WOULD GO DOWN NICELY.”
Miss B: “Are you even old enough to drink? Never mind, there’s a convenience store. Cletus the Gentlecritter Masque runs it.”
“FAB! AND…NOT TO BE TOO BLUNT OR ANYTHING, BUT THAT LOOKS AWFUL EMPTY.”

IMG_0805 Miss B: “I think he’s waking up. Yes, it’s empty. I won’t tell you about the last inhabitants–”
“OH, COME ON NOW.”
Miss B: *whispers*
“HOLY MARY. REALLY?”
Miss B: “Really. So…yeah. It’s empty, I’ll open it up for you and give you the keys.”
“BLOODY BRILL! YOU’RE A RIGHT GOOD SHEILA, YOU ARE.”
Miss B: “…I’ll take that as a compliment.”

IMG_0806 “IS IT GONE? TELL ME IT’S GONE.”
“SHE. HER NAME’S B, MISS B. SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED, GET IT?”
“…YOU CANNOT WATCH ANY MORE MOVIES.”
“NO, REALLY! SHE GAVE ME THE KEYS. WARNED ME NOT TO RUN BECAUSE SHE LIKES TO–”
“YOU SPOKE TO IT?”
“WELL, YOU WEREN’T ANY HELP.”
“IT WAS HUGE! AND TEETH! AND–”
“SHE’S QUITE NICE, FRED. A REAL LADY. COME ON, LET’S SEE WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.”

IMG_0811 “IT’S A BIT EERIE.”
“YEH. LAST TENANTS WERE…WELL, ANYWAY. IT’S SECURE, RIGHT? AND THE MISS TOLD ME ABOUT A CONVENIENCE STORE, FOR LAGERS AND SUCH.”
“YOU ALREADY KNOW WHERE TO FIND ALCOHOL. SPLENDID.”
“LOOK! INDOOR PLUMBING!”
“WHY ARE WE ROOMMATES AGAIN?”
“BECAUSE I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN PUT UP WITH YOU, FRED. THAT’S WHY.”

IMG_0812 “WELL…ACTUALLY, THIS IS…SPACIOUS. AND QUITE NICE. GOOD LIGHT.”
“SEE? THAT MIRANDA DID US A GOOD TURN, SHE DID.”
“YES, INDEED. I’LL HAVE TO WRITE A THANK-YOU NOTE. AND UNTIL WE FIND A WAY BACK TO MELBOURNE–”
“I ENT GOING BACK, FRED. YOU CAN IF YOU LIKE, BUT I’M THINKING THIS IS BETTER THAN OLD MELBOURNE. NO COMPETITION FOR FOOD! AND GUESS WHAT?”
“I TREMBLE IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR FORTHCOMING DISCLOSURE.”
“THAT’S MY PONCEY FRED. MISS B TOLD ME THERE ARE NO WOMBATS!”
“…WHAT AN IMPRESSION YOU MUST HAVE MADE. VERY WELL, IF WE’RE GOING TO BE HERE, LET’S START CLEANING UP.”
“OH, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, YOU AND THE CHORES!”
“YOU OWE ME. START OVER THERE.”

And lo, Fred and George have become resident in the backyard. I wonder what will happen next…

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martian moon crab

Yard Squirrels will happen no doubt.

I will leave an unmarked envelope in a secure drop for the Selene kickstarter… you want small unmarked bills?