In Which I Try To Take A Shower Without The House Erupting

Odd and BMe: *just stepped out of shower and into towel* Get off my bed.
Odd Trundles: BUT I MISSED YOU!
Me: I was in the shower. The bathroom door was wide open. Get off my bed.
Odd: I MISSED YOU, I NEEDED COMFORT.
Me: Get off my–oh my God.
Odd: I DON’T FEEL GOOD.
Me: You ate my shoe!
Odd: WHAT? I DON’T FEEL GOOD. I THINK I MIGHT BARF.
Me: GET OFF MY BED.
Odd: WHY’RE YOU YELLING? *urps* *tries to swallow shoelace again* WHAT’S IN MY MOUTH?
Me: *grabs shoelace* GET OFF MY BED!
Odd: DON’T YELL AT ME, IT HURTS MY FEELINGS. HEY, WHAT’S THAT?
Me: *holding dripping shoelace* OFF. NOW.
Odd: WILL WE PLAY TUG? IT’S MY FAVOURITE GAME. ONLY I DON’T FEEL GOOD. BUT I’LL TRY.
Miss B: IS THAT VOMIT? DO I SMELL VOMIT? HAS VOMITING OCCURRED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION? I MUST INVESTIGATE!
Me: Shut up
Miss B: HE’S ON THE BED! HOW COME I’M NOT ON THE BED?
Me: Because you tried to kill me by tripping me when I got out of the shower.
Miss B: THAT WAS YOU? HE DOESN’T LOOK SO GOOD…
Odd Trundles: *barfs* *all over bed* *and carpet* *and my feet*
Me: Oh, for God’s sake!
Miss B: LOOK! I’M QUEEN OF THE BED!
Odd Trundles: *evidently feeling lighter and MUCH relieved* MY FAVOURITE GAME! *piles onto bed*
Me: GET OFF THE MOTHERFUCKING BED, BOTH OF YOU!
Both dogs: EEEEK! MOM’S PLAYING TOO! *tear down hallway* *tear back* *leap back on bed* *wrestle and produce ear-scrubbing noise*
Me:

I came back (after washing my feet and getting dressed) to clean the sludge up, only to find that someone had eaten the bits of half-digested kibble. Whoever it was had, though, kindly left the other shoelace and some of the liquid.

I might have been grateful, but they were both on my bed, worn out after wrestling and growling, and half asleep.

So I sent them outside, where they pressed their noses against the French door on the deck and silently beamed YOU ARE SO CROOOOOL AND UNJUST at me while I stripped the bed. Guess I have to scrub the carpet too. Again.

*headdesk*

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martian moon crab
martian moon crab

thats right up there with being woken up in the middle of the night by a cat sitting on you going “dont feel good” and the proceeds to barf up on you and the bed.

The postive side? no children were present when it happened, they tend to sympathy puke.

Jean Marie Ward
Jean Marie Ward

LOLROFLWTIME
Your animals always make mine seem so sedate. And that’s saying a lot. Thanks for the (ahem) belly laugh.

Colleen Champagne
Colleen Champagne

Laughing too hard. I was just texting my friend w/ many words that started with F because my lovely ate one of my sandals. Said sandal cost big but I have a bad foot and they were comfortable dammit. While trying to find someone to repair the sandal she ate the other!

Mel
Mel

Who needs squirrel terror when there’s the Abbot and Costello show?

JP
JP

OK, I have totally been there. One dog waits outside the bathroom for me (and, b/c she’s almost 13, she barks at the bottom of the steps so I’ll turn the light on so she can come up…though half the time she waits until I’m in the bathroom to start barking) and the other steals my place on the bed and drools on my pillow. Also, last fall, we were taking Younger Dog to the vet on an emergency issue. I sat with him in the backseat. No horking, just an opened mouth and a virtual SEA of vomit all… Read more »