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Web of steel
kevin dooley

I find rollercoasters relaxing.

It’s the moment when you’re strapped in and the thing starts moving, before it even chugs up the big initial hill. A lot of people think the point of no return is at the top of that first hill before the plunge. It’s not. It’s the moment the straps and bar are clicked into place. From then, it’s useless to do anything but relax and settle in for the ride.

Once it’s all moving, the great bitch-goddesses of Chance and Physics are in charge. They don’t care that I’m fleshly and fragile, they are concerned with much weightier matters, so to speak. It’s like finishing a book–once one has the dominos set up (which is 90% or more of the problem) all it takes is a single flick of a finger; then you’re not in charge anymore. Preparation and physics are in charge, and they couldn’t care less what you think.

I am on this tangent this morning for a number of reasons–being caught in an emotional congame between two people and struggling free of it, Major Life Changes afoot, blah de blah blah. It’s kind of sobering to realize that I’ve been struggling after the point of no return. I think it’s because I’ve effectively lowered my tolerance for stress since the divorce. You know the old saw: you have as much stress as you can tolerate, and if you want to lower stress, lower that tolerance. I didn’t realize it had been done so effectively. Bully for me, yes, but also, oh my God, I’ve been fighting Physics and Chance, and I have about as much chance against them as a a flyswatter has against a machine gun. Sure, you can sharpen the handle, but it’s not going to do much good.

So it’s time for me to take a deep breath and sink back into the seat, look at the scenery, and marvel at the sudden dips and swerves. It’s all good. The frazzle along my nerves will go down, and things will arrange themselves the way they’re meant to.

Take your tickets, step up, take a look around. We’re all on a rollercoaster, one way or another. Might as well enjoy it, because if catastrophic failure happens and the whole thing comes tumbling down, it won’t matter anyway.

I suspect that is not as comforting as I meant it to be…