I’m not going to talk about anger today. For one thing, I’m smelling copper and burning in ragged spates, and that’s not good for anyone. For another, why bother? Suffice to say that sometimes anger isn’t ridiculous. Sometimes it’s a sign that one’s boundaries have been trespassed, and a call to arms. Piertotem Locomoter, and all. (Speaking of which, my Harry Potter character? McGonagall. I’d like to be Hermione, but deep down I know I’m more Minerva.)
It smells like rain today. There’s a dusty-earth, peculiarly summer aroma, trees and grass exhaling in expectation of moisture. It’s been a wet, cool spring, with periods of bright warmth. Prime weather for growing grass, for flowers to bloom…and for insects. The yearly sacrifice of bits of my precious fluids to the Mosquito Gods is well underway. Bees won’t sting me (I should tell that story, shouldn’t I. But really, bees won’t sting me. I’ve tried to get them to.) but if there is a mosquito within five hundred miles, it will come by for a snack. Never a gift without a curse, you know.
I want to head out to the beach, but getting dog and kids ready to go is a two-day odyssey in and of itself, and the very thought makes me tired. Besides, there are no storms now, and I really love the Pacific Northwest coast most in autumn when the filthy weather comes sweeping in. When it’s gray and nasty and cold and the wind goes straight through you, and the rain and the sand find gaps in you that you never knew existed. But there’s also a sense of calm to be found in the middle of the nastiest, ugliest weather. One is face to face with a thrashing being whose malice is not human or intentional (so it’s properly not malice at all) and there’s a clarity, a cleanliness to it.
Things are happening here at Casa Saintcrow. Good things, mostly, but even good things are stressful when they involve Major Life Changes. I’ve been away for a while, and I’m dying to share the awesome bits with you. But I have to wait and sit on it. I can sit on bad news forever, but sitting on good is pure torture. I just always want to share the happy.
The house is quiet, and there is a curious calm in my chest. May the rain be a balm today, and may the goddamn mosquitoes not find me for a while. Amen.