Choosing Herself

Victor Bezrukov / Foter

From my email inbox:

Dear ms. St. Crow,

I just finished reading Reckoning and was extremely curious about why Dru decided to not choose between Graves or Chritophe, I’m a little perplexed since I was in suspense about which boy would win Dru’s heart the whole series, and found myself heart broken when she decided not to choose. The reason I’m dumbfounded is that the cover says it’s the last book of the series, a unique way to end the story, but the question has been bugging me a lot.

Thank you for your time.

*name redacted* (from email)

And my reply:

Hello *name redacted*,

Thank you for reading my books.

I get this question a lot. My answer is: why does Dru have to choose, why does she have to “end up” with someone? A girl is not defined by who she is “with” or who she “ends up” with. Graves and Christophe are both pretty terrible boyfriend choices, for different reasons–Graves is broken, both by abuse and by Sergej, and no matter how much Dru loves him she can’t fix him. He has to fix himself. And Christophe is far too adult (despite being djamphir) for her, not to mention he doesn’t give her the information she needs to make informed choices. Dru may eventually grow further and decide to engage with Christophe on that level, but at the moment she has made the decision to put herself first. Which is something I think a lot of young girls may not do.

A girl or a woman is not defined by who she’s dating. A girl or a woman defines herself, and it would have been unconscionable for me to make Dru’s story all about who she wants to kiss next. Dru’s story was about growing up and surviving, and while kissing may be a (sometimes pleasant) part of that, it isn’t the only or even the most important thing about finding out who you are and, as her Gran would say, “where ya iron’s at.”

I am sorry you were heartbroken. Dru was too, and since I suffer with my characters, so was I. But Dru is stronger than that–she survived Sergej, which means little things like deciding not to date anyone for a while kind of lose their sting. In the end, I think she made the right choice–to take care of herself first. That’s a difficult choice for any young woman, and some of us never master the trick of it.

I hope this helps, and thank you again for reading,

Lili St. Crow

I still believe with everything in me that Reckoning‘s ending was the correct one. (I do not think I shall ever be convinced otherwise.) My private titled for Reckoning was actually Sacrifice, because it was the book where Dru made the decision to give up her own life if she had to (when she tells Dibs to go ahead with the transfusion) to buy her friends just a little more time. For me, that will always be the correct title–and Dru choosing as she did, the right ending.

Over and out.

Notify of

Which is why I loved Dru…


I haven’t read any zombie books eethir. But, I really want to because they fascinate me. But, since I like a little romance in a story, I’m not sure how I’d like that in a zombie book. I think it would be too creepy.

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YES. I thought the ending was perfect, for Dru and for the series. Hard to believe how much happened in such a short time, and how much she went through and thus needs to deal with. I would love to see what happens next (especially how the introduction of the Maharaj plays out), but I like the series as it is. A lot!


I really liked Strange Angels and Betrayals. WHere I am the next one in the sieers doesn’t come out until June this year, which is rather annoying. But I can;t wait :DKeep up with the great reviews!

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I agree with why it was wise of her to go ahead and chose to be alone with herself until she realized who she was. I was only sad that she had to chose to be alone to do so. A girl or woman should never be defined by who’s she’s with. But admittedly I felt a little lonely sadness on her behalf. It would have been nice if there had been someone who could have helped her carry the weight. Still, given the choices she had in boyfriends, I agree that choosing neither was the way to go. One… Read more »

I would have been disappointed if she’d have picked either of them for the very reasons you mentioned in your reply. She’s strong, she’s going to live a very long time, so why choose so young? Plus, Christophe may look about 19 or so, but he was way to old. It would have been creepy. And Graves would be equally creepy, sort of like taking advantage of someone who couldn’t take care of themselves.


I enjoyed the book. Thought it was a bit slow at times and I had tloubre connecting to Dru at first, but she grew on me. I’m looking forward to see how things go for her at that school though. I’m glad you liked it =)

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I started reading this entry, then realised what it was about and decided I should probably finish Jealousy, Defience, and Reckoning, then, come back and read this. I have to say, I am now very intrigued about the ending of Reckoning. 🙂

Kristina L.

I can’t really imagine the ending going any differently, to be honest. After all the horrific things Dru went through in the series, the best thing for her to do would be to take time and heal. Having to deal with a boyfriend would distract her from focusing on healing and learning more about herself. After all, she hasn’t even begun to scratch the surface of the information available to her at the Schola. And boyfriends are really quite distracting. 😉


How about Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion? Or The Forest of Hands and Teeth series? I need to read The Chronicles of Nick but I’m a lltite unsure whether I’ve read far enough into S Kenyon’s Dark Hunter series. I think there are 22? and I’ve only gotten up to the 12th book. Lol.

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I liked the ending because it was unexpected i honestly thought she was going to get together with graves on not gonna lie really hoping she would but this was unexpected and a shock so i liked it and Lili St. Crow if you read this it would be awesome if you wrote a sixth i liked this series so much i really didn’t want it to end


I love this ending and thought it was perfect! I wish more authors would condsider portraying women/girls in such a strong and courages fashion. I keep telling friends and family to read this series because it has such a unique ending.

I didn’t realize Reckoning was the last of the series because there just seemed to be so many things left open to happen, and I understand I could be ranting because I have a hard time leaving any series. Nonetheless, I understand Dru didn’t have to end up with Christophe or Graves, and I absolutely adored your books for that, but something just didn’t seem final. All three of them have grown throughout the series, and I wanted to see them all head off in a direction because they learned from it…and have a purpose from it. Granted, they all… Read more »
Rhyou Kudasai
Whether you read this or not I agree with the others. What happen with her history with her gran doing vodoo(maharj)? I could care less who she ends up with obviously chris if graves not around she’ll only see chris. I prefer graves but seriously whats wrong with being normal. Honestly, the ending was good but I feel like it it needed a little more to wrap things up like a short story since you cant make another book. Also why isnt this a movie yet? The last books I expect to become a movie are. Its a good series… Read more »