Flying Psychotic Cat

doug88888 /Free Photos

SCENE: Early-early morning at Casa Saintcrow. All is dark, and quiet. A bedroom, nice and peaceful.

Me: *zzzzzzz*
Mad Tortoishell Cat: *purr*
Miss B: *soft canine snores*

Tranquil, no? I’m on my side, arm stretched out from under the pillow, fingers resting against a cat’s soft fur. Miss B is at my feet.

Me: *zzzzzzz*
Miss B: *soft canine snores*
Mad Tortie: *stops purring*

Silence.

Miss B: *soft canine snores*
Me: *zzzzzz nice warm bed*
Mad Tortie:

And then…

Mad Tortie: KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLMUTILATEDESTROY!
Me: zzzzzAUGH WHAT THE HELL EATING MY ARM CLAWS AUGH!
Miss B: What is it? What? Is it breakfast? Breakfast?
Mad Tortie: KILLKILLKILL! Mrphlegrp! *can’t talk, mouth full of human flesh*
Me: JESUS CHRIST CAT WHAT THE FUCK?
Miss B: Breakfast? Breakfast?

I am a little sorry about what happened next.

But only a little. I grabbed the Mad Tortie and heaved.

Mad Tortie: KILLKILLKILL WHAT FLYING FLYING WHEEEEEEEE*thud*
Me: WHAT. THE FUCK. *examines bleeding arm*
Miss B: Is that breakfast? Cause, you know, I could really use some…
Me: STOP LICKING MY BLOOD.
Miss B: You’re up! I missed you! Breakfast?
Mad Tortie: *shaking head, dazed* I WAS FLYING. DID ANYONE SEE THAT?

I don’t know what manner of vicious animal she thought my arm was. But I am confident that should one of it appear, it will not survive its inclusion in our goddamn Dr Doolittle Nightmare of a household.

  • That sounds unusual. Did you get treated for cat bite? It can be serious.
    Hope you are both on good terms again.

  • Thank you for the morning chuckles. Sorry to hear about your arm. 😉

  • Janet Castillo

    That was hysterical! Thank you so much, I needed it this morning. 😀

  • martianmooncrab

    *holding up small cute Cornish Rex kitty” would you like the alarm clock version? Your snooze alarm model seems to be faulty.

  • Tina Roush

    This post may have been tagged ‘we are not amused’ but we most definitely are. 🙂

  • Kale Cuddy

    sorry about your arm but that was hilarious. i really needed that laugh, so thanks so much.

  • My cat has done that periodically. I am sorry to say that he has occasionally been heaved, as well. Fortunately he seems none the worse for wear (though he was so strange to begin with that it would have been hard to tell if he were).

  • Ilene Mundell

    Sorry to hear about your arm…but thanks for sharing! On a side note thanks for such great stories! Just finished Angel Town last night! Thank you!

  • Smeech

    Hilarious post. Sorry about your arm. Is the free story Selene still on the site somewhere? Or is it gone forever? I was trying to find it and can’t.

  • Lili

    Hi Smeech!

    The directory that housed Selene was infected. I am trying to figure out how to get it cleaned out and back up. If it’s possible, it will go back up.

  • I missed this kind of hilarious posts. I’m sorry for your arm, my white one always do that, he think we’re his enimies and bites us everywhere he can.