Lilith Saintcrow

It’s just my usual response to a sudden huge chunk of work.

In other words, terribly busy, going to avoid the Internet for a couple days while I get all this stuff done. Not total avoidance–I’ll still be over on Twitter occasionally, for I am an electronic addict and this is what we do.

So. See you in a little bit. I’m on the flat diet–just slide the pizza under the door and I’ll shove out scraps and crumbs when I’m done. Kthxbai.

Slow and steady wins the race, sure. But it’s also frustrating as hell.

Steady output helps when it comes to writing for publication. Slow and steady weight loss helps one remain fit longer. But Jesus wept, sometimes I just feel like Veruca Salt stamping my feet and declaring that I want it now, dammit!

This is one of those impatient days, where the world is far too cold and slow to suit the fire in my veins. Deep breathing is in order, and reminding myself that it took decades to get here and things aren’t going to change overnight. Reminding myself that I’ll feel better when I achieve in a set of small steps, it will mean more, yadda yada.

Can you tell I don’t quite believe it? Not today.

In the meantime, here’s a guest review I did for the lovely folks of YA Reads (who had Betrayals as their featured book through December). They’re so nice over there, go take a look! The review is of one of my very favorite YA books, Sarah Dessen’s Dreamland. Otherwise known as “the awesome book that got me reading YA again after a long dry spell”.

Anyway. Off I go with my impatient self. I hope your day is gratifying, either instantly or in the long run.

But all things considered, today I’d take the instant. I’m just saying.

* There’s an interview with me up over at Books Obsession. Go show ‘em some love, if you can.

* I am currently obsessed with Girl Genius. Fiction saves lives, and online steampunk graphic fiction not only saves lives but does it with style. I don’t know how I’d've gotten through the last couple days without it.

* It’s been a terrifically windy day, more storms on the way, and a huge chunk of a tree down the street fell and spread all over the road. I love the wind, but I’m eyeing the pines across the street nervously. When I get to feeling bad, standing outside in the wind helps.

* Low-down blue day today. Getting better as night rises. I’m taking my supplements, exercising, trying to focus one moment at a time. But Jesus. The human heart is a rum piece of work if it can stand this sort of strain and keeps going back to it. Still, I’m better than I was two weeks ago. That’s something, right? Right?

* I know where the current book ends. I’m just in the second third of the book, where getting there is a slog comparable to the goddamn Pilgrim’s effing Progress. Up one hill, down one Slough of Despond, up another hill…it’s enough to make me wish for an army of robot gnomes to start my plot of world domination.

And that is five things, which makes a post. Thank you. I’ll be here all week. No applause, just throw cash…

Some days it’s an uphill battle. But each day is a little bit better than the one before. I feel like I’m lying spread out on some very thin ice. I am no longer drowning, but the rescue attempt is not underway yet. If I stay too long I’ll freeze, but I can’t move just yet because the ice might crack.

This is a delicate stage of healing, where you start feeling a little better so you think, “I can handle this…maybe I don’t need help.” Wrong. It’s like when I was a massage therapist–I saw this over and over again. A few treatments, the body starts feeling better…and all of a sudden the person in the body thinks they can weekend-warrior it. The delicate healing stretches and tears, and the body takes its revenge.

So I’m feeling everything out. Delicately, not putting any weight on anything. I’m supposed to be using this mantra:

I can’t change the past. The future isn’t here yet. All I can do is make good choices today.

Sometimes it even helps.

I’m at that stage where even the love scenes in Disney movies are painful. I can’t listen to love songs, I can barely even listen to breakup songs that are supposed to make me feel better. On the other hand, I’ve got a lot of instrumental music around, and that’s easy to write to. And the words are still coming. I’m still swinging blindly and the Muse is still serving balls.

It will have to be enough.

I so want this coat. I’ve been dressing in black, umber, gray for so long. I think I want a little flash.

The morning mist is burning off. I have that odd stuffed-head feeling that I normally have when it’s misty, and when a story is beginning to come together. I need to reread what I have of the current Jill book to make sure I have all the threads in place before I start weaving the critical second third of the book.

I’m taking things one day at a time, yes. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have high hopes for today. I’m still swinging.

Maybe today I’ll hit a ball.