I Never Know
Crossposted to the Deadline Dames.
Reader Melissa P. asked earlier this week:
So MY question is, how do you know it’s good enough? Especially if you’ve never been published?
How do you know if your writing is Good Enough? How do you know if you have any chance at all?
The short answer is also the most brutal:
You don’t.
The longer answer…well. I get hate mail calling me the worst writer in the world, even though I’m making a living at it. “Good enough” is highly subjective. Plus, there’s the Inner Censor and various other considerations inside one’s own head. There has never come a point where I’ve considered anything “good enough”. Each time I’ve turned in a contracted book, it’s with the same nail-biting fear of rejection I felt when I was submitting to slushpiles. I have never felt “good enough”.
A published writer takes the critical step of submitting despite that fear. Even more importantly, this is a writer who has kept writing, despite that fear. The chances of getting published are sometimes Not Very Good, but they become Astronomically Better when you Actually Produce and Learn, not to mention Submit Your Shit Professionally.
If there was a magic pill, I would tell you. The point of this whole thing is not to get “good enough”. The point is to keep trying and learning. This ups your chances of getting published, and once published, ups your chances of having a sustainable career.
Look, every single goddamn time I send a manuscript in I’m afraid that my editor will be very quiet for a little while, then send me a request to have the advance mailed back because what I’ve sent them sucks so hugely. (This is a normal feeling, I guess, since I’ve had it every damn time.) Rationally and reasonably, I absolutely know this will not happen. (If for no other reason than my agent would strap on her bandoliers and make them Very Sorry. *snort*)
But it doesn’t stop the huge, nagging, overwhelming fear that my writing–and by extension, I–will never be Good Enough. Each time I hit the “send” button to turn in a first draft, I hear the roulette wheel spinning. It scares me to absolute death.
I’ve just learned to do it anyway. Part of it is because I have to, because, well, I like eating.
You can depend on certain markers to tell you that, if you’re not Good Enough, you’re certainly moving in the right direction. Some of those markers can include personalized rejection notes or the approval of your critique group or beta reader (though I have some mixed feelings about groups). In the end, though, I don’t know if any writer ever knows if it’s good enough; I don’t know if any writer, even the most “successful”, ever gets rid of that nagging fear. If they do, good for them–but I’m talking about my own experience here, and I’ve never gotten rid of it.
The trick is to do it anyway. You can feel the fear all you want. It’s okay (not to mention reasonable and natural) to feel fear. Writing is a tricky business, and writers get rejected. A lot. Rejection is a fact of life, and it’s dialed up to 11 when you’re a writer, especially if you submit your work to the cruel, cold world. Fear is okay.
You just have to kick the fear in the nuts and run for it. I do not know of another way around this. Set yourself the task of always learning how to be more professional, keep reading and studying your language and its rules, and try to view mistakes and setbacks as invitations to learn. Bloody, painful, messy, nasty, scar-making invitations, to be sure. But if you’re easily whipped or easily frightened, professional writing is so not the career for you.
If, on the other hand, you are stubbornly (almost pathologically) determined to do, then let the fear be itself. It can actually even turn into a friend, an engine driving you to learn more and be better. You can use it as a spur, as a wheel, as torque to pull yourself up.
Just don’t turn tail and quit writing.
How do you know if you’re Good Enough? You never do, my friend. But you can choose not to let the fear matter, and be as good as you can be. After all, that’s the way any great discovery or genius is made.
Over and out.
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March 12th, 2010 at 8:17 pm
Thanks for this, it couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve always fancied myself a writer, but can’t seem to finish a damn thing. I’ve recently made the decision that it’s time to “shit or get off the pot” as my mother would say. I love writing, but am always fearful to share it with others, but if I want to do it; I need to do it 100% and get over myself.
I’ve just recently discovered your books, and I’m devouring them as fast as I can. I love the kick ass women! I think there’s a little Danny or Jill in all of us just waiting to be unleashed.
March 13th, 2010 at 4:56 am
I know when I don’t wince as I read my own work three weeks/ months/years later
March 13th, 2010 at 5:46 am
Writing would be the easiest job in the world if it weren’t for this fear: Is this actually any good? You can’t really tell, if you’re the one that wrote it. And annoyingly, sometimes the people you consult are wrong. It may be that a piece of writing is REALLY BRILLIANT but doesn’t work because of some tiny error in the way it’s written that confuses the reader.
That’s why the best editors can see what you’re trying to do – and can help you achieve it – rather than just saying, ‘it doesn’t work.’
I’m a hugely self-confident writer 50% of the time; and when I write something good, I KNOW it’s good.
The other 50% of the time I have no self esteem whatsoever. I’m pathetic! And even minor crits send me spiralling into self doubt.
Heck, I guess that’s what they pay us for though..
March 13th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
[...] always see things that need improvement in our own work. NYT bestselling author Lilith Saintcrow said it bluntly and powerfully here. Yes, the day comes when we’ll admit it’s ready to submit. The day comes when we we [...]
March 13th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
It’s helpful to know that you still feel this way too. I finished my first novel almost a year ago and have been querying and revising and writing my next novel since then. I’ve nothing but learned from the whole experience of writing and querying. If anything, my queries have gotten better with each batch I send out as I’m finally getting to the stage where agents request the full manuscript to read before they reject me.
I actually think this is an improvement.
I listen to your advice Lilith-I make my books jealous of each other for inspiration, I work on multiple projects at the same time, and I just keep sending the queries, because you’re right, it ups my chances of getting published.
Thanks for the blog, it’s super helpful.
March 15th, 2010 at 7:42 am
My question would be, when you are working on your WIP, how do you stop other totally different ideas for other books from popping into your head and taking over? I’m currently working on something for a course but my brain keeps running off with different ideas that are totally unrelated and in a different genre!!!