Wiggle Your Big Toe

This morning I went on a banzai run with the Selkie; it was an estate’s worth of books that we packed and hauled down to the store. We work well together both as writers and as book haulers–we exchange information with glances, read each other’s minds, and just plain get stuff done really fast. It’s a joy to work with someone who anticipates and understands.

Several times I was surprised by just how much I could lift and carry–the running and the shovelgloving are working out. I suppose I should do the Obligatory Check In about that here, because I do talk about it a bit…and weren’t there resolution-like things at the beginning of the year?

I do believe there were.

I’m down by sixty pounds, 23 of which I’ve lost since the first of the year. I’m wearing clothes literally half the size I’m used to. I have about another 20-21 pounds to go before I ease up on the calorie restriction and start looking to fine-tune and maintain instead of running my body to shed weight. It is, in a word, bloody amazing. (That’s two words. Oh well.)

The biggest changes, however, have not been physical at all. They’ve been mental and emotional. The sheer scale and intensity of Life Changes and emotional change I’ve weathered, particularly in the last six months (yes, I marked it on the calendar, I am a nerd) have been staggering. I have reached a sort of detente in my relationship with food. I don’t eat to comfort myself nearly as much. My stress level has gone down from OMGPANICALLGOINGTODIERUNRUNRUN to pretty-calm-with-occasional-freakouts.

Which is a nice place to be.

Yes, I’ve had help. Cognitive therapy and a couple of books (this one and this one) have really helped. (However, this book and this book have been MORE helpful; the internal changes are the big deal.)

I’ve also had a lot of help and support from the people who really love me. That’s one thing about one’s life going down in flames: you learn pretty quickly who will be on the other end of the phone line at 4AM; you learn who will help and who will run away.

The upshot is, I feel good. I handed over my ID today (long story) and the clerk did a double take and said, “You’ve lost some weight!” She sounded at least as delighted as I felt. People who haven’t seen me in a while get a strange look, like they can’t quite place me, before comprehension hits. I won’t lie–it’s nice to see that. I get a little glow of accomplishment. I preen a little. Considering I’ve spent most of my life frantically trying to get people to look anywhere but my body, it’s a step up.

So, long way to go. But when I reached the day marked “six months” on my calendar, I looked around. And I felt like, “Okay, hard part’s over. Now let’s get these other piggies wiggling.”

Tomorrow I’ll return you to your regularly scheduled Lili. But today…I’m basking a little in the glow of accomplishment. I feel like I’ve Done Something. Clawed myself up out of a big dark hole, at least.

It’s a nice way to feel.

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I Get A Day Off

Yesterday I finished the zero draft of Strange Angels 4, tentatively now titled Defiance. I thought it would take into the middle of this week at least, but yesterday 3.5+K bolted out of my head and took me to the finish line. Sometimes a book does that–sneaks up on one. The zero draft is clocking in at a shade over 62K, which means it’ll break 68-70 when I get the first draft revisions in.

Now my brain, she is broken. I’ve talked before about this–the dynamo inside my head, my energies bent on finishing the book, is now spinning aimlessly. You’ve got to give it time to slow down to a reasonable speed again.

So today is that most rare and magical of creatures, a Day Off. I’ll poke at a trunk novel to keep my hand in, but I won’t look to achieve much.

I scored a DVD of the old Dungeons and Dragons cartoons. It’s hysterical, especially since I watched it when I was young. Like Monk noted, “It’s amazing they did a D&D cartoon with no sharp things.” There was an episode with Lloth the Spider Queen; I snorted and actually yelled, “If they put Drizzt Do’urden in here I’m just gonna DIE!”

The kids both said, “Huh?” And I felt old and geeky. Not a bad combination, since when I told Monk about it he immediately cracked up and agreed. I may be old and geeky, but at least I’m not alone.

Now, I’ve got some relaxing to do as the dynamo in my head slows down. *twitch* *twitch* Because tomorrow it’s wordcount on the short story due…eep, at the end of next month! Oh, Lord. No rest for the wicked.

Catch you later.

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Do That Thing

Crossposted to the Deadline Dames

First: Do you think you could build a model Herkimer Battle Jitney? Jay Lake and I both have this thing for Mystery Men. And that’s all I’m going to say.

Friday again, and I got nothin’. My brain is broken, mostly because I’m in the last stretch of Dru 4, now provisionally titled Defiance. This is the point at which I actively resent pretty much anything that tears me away from writing–exercising, eating, loo breaks, bathing, anything. If not for the kids I would probably try to pull an epiphyte and live on air. Fortunately, feeding them is non-negotiable, and it makes me remember to eat. And occasionally bathe myself. *makes face*

Sometimes I think the fierce end-of-book concentration is the “jolt” that keeps me coming back to writing. Sometimes I think it’s starting a new book and having the New Shiny to play with. Sometimes I think it’s the slog in the middle, where the only thing that keeps me going is the craftsman’s pleasure of building sentences and fitting them together. Sometimes it’s rereading a scene and feeling that heart-in-mouth reaction, where I’ve swung for the fences and I know as soon as I hear the crack! that I’m not stopping until home plate.

Did I just bust out a sports metaphor there?

Anyway. Each part of writing is good, for me. Even proof pages and copyedits are good. Even getting the revision letters that make me scream like a little girl in a horror movie are good. They’re good because I’m doing the thing I really feel I was meant and made for. I’m making a living at the one thing that makes me unreasonably happy; my work is also my joy.

It took a lot of hard work to get here. A lot of rejection–and it takes a lot of rejection on a daily basis. On the other hand, I’m making a living. I don’t ever complain or kick too hard. In fact, most days I wake up and think about the day’s wordcount goal and deadlines looming and I think, How in the hell did I get this lucky?

Recently writing has sustained me through a broken heart and huge, stressful Life Changes. Writing has been my solace, my guide, my distraction, my security blanket, and my escape. If you’re lucky to have that one thing you love, it can be your boat through Hell.

Your thing, that thing you love, might not be writing. You’re the only person who has a chance of finding out what it is. Here’s what I want to say this bright, beautiful, raining Friday from the chair where I pull words out of the air and string them together:

Don’t stop. Even if it’s just five minutes a day, or just ten, do that thing you love. It’s cheaper than therapy and more fulfilling than junk food. It can save you from ulcers and restore your faith in whatever needs restoring. It can carry you through the shocks flesh is heir to and celebrate the good things that come along. Do it because it needs doing, and nobody can do it quite like you. There’s a reason it makes you feel That Good–because your way of doing it is unique, and the world needs it.

Do it because you’ve go to. Do it because you feel like you’ll burst or slowly die inside if you don’t. Do it because it feels great, do it because the world needs another chuckle or two, do it because it siphons off all the crazy that would otherwise come out at 3AM in the Circle K parking lot. Just take a couple minutes and do.

After all, our time here is so short. Way too short to not indulge a few minutes a day in the thing that makes us so unreasonably happy, the thing only we can do the way that we do. Let me encourage you, dear Reader. If you need permission, encouragement, absolution, or dispensation to spend a few minutes doing it today, consider that you have it.

Enjoy.

After all, it’s what I plan to do today. One could very easily do worse.

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News, Events, And Links

Good morning, all. First, the news.

* There may be a 6-10K-word story dealing with Selene and Nikolai’s reunion in Saint City in the works. I’ll have details when everything firms up, but for right now, I thought I’d let you guys know.

* Events! I will be at the Ooligan Press Write To Publish event on May 23, 2010, at 2pm. I will also be signing in conjunction with Devon Monk and Ilona Andrews at the Cedar Hills Crossing Powell’s on May 25, and by my lonesome in the same location on August 19 to celebrate the release of Jealousy. Details of the Powell’s signings will be forthcoming; they’re usually around 7pm.

* Release news: Heaven’s Spite, the next Jill Kismet novel, is due for release in November 2010. I just confirmed this with my editor yesterday (or was it the day before?) Anyway, now I know, so now you know.

And, linkspam:

* Post-Healthcare Fatigue Syndrome. Don’t worry, the Republicans are still tirelessly working to make sure only the rich have healthcare. Oh, and stirring up their nutwing base to terrify the rest of us. It’s unsurprising, even if it is enough to make one sick enough to need that public option.

* A great Tor.com article on my very favorite fairy tale. Seriously. I collect versions of Beauty and the Beast. I even wrote my own take on it, as yet unpublished.

* Tim Burton might direct Maleficent’s story. OH PLEASE OH PLEASE. Maleficent is my very favorite villain in any Disney movie. The horns! The shapeshifting! The elegant black cape! The sneer! Oh, please, let this come to pass.

* If you’re not reading the Comics Curmudgeon, you’re missing out. I check in with Josh daily to see what the hell he’s come up with now. Comics snark is pure LOVE.

I think that’s about all. I’m on the last push to complete Dru 4, have a detail-round of revisions due for Kismet 5, and there’s a short story in there somewhere needing to be written. I bought a hat to cover up the fact that my hair is at an awkward length. I’ve stocked up on coffee, because the way things are going, it’s going to become one of my major food groups through the month of April.

Fasten your seatbelts, kiddos, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

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Book Must Flow

Linkspam, because I’m deep in it today. I’ve got the White Stripes on loud and like spice, BOOK MUST FLOW!

* So those deep meandering conversations about Life, the Universe, and Everything? They can actually help make you happier. I think I need to call my friends and get a couple bottles of wine.

* Oh, Luc Besson, you complete me. Lady adventurers and steampunk dragons? I’M SO THERE.

* Here, find out where earthquakes are happening.

* As I have often told my kids, the separate compartment for dessert in one’s stomach is AWESOME. (This is usually right before I’m called “best mum EVER!” for about five minutes, or however long the ice cream lasts…)

Happy Tuesday, everyone. Gotta run.

*dives back into showdown*

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A Weekend Refuel

I never, ever thought I’d be addicted to running. Of all the things to get addicted to, I never thought a physical effort that qualifies as exercise would be possible. I’ve had to take a couple days off because of hip and knee pain–looking back through my training log I see I jumped my mileage by five miles (or about 40%), which was WAY TOO MUCH. So it’s back down in duration for a while, then a reasonable mile-every-2-weeks increase for a month or two.

As long as the zombies don’t chase me for more than four miles, I think I’ll be all right.

The weekend was restful. On Saturday I took the kids to the community centre. We spent about four hours shooting pool (I taught the Princess how to rack, break, make a bridge, and sight) and playing table tennis. I was exhausted afterward. I mean, come on, table tennis? But apparently that burns a helluva lot of calories. We were all tired and cranky afterward, so it was Thai food and a retreat home to watch movies and fold laundry.

Sunday was equally uneventful. I didn’t leave the house all day, except for a spring amble between rainshowers down to the store to fetch necessaries for dinner. The Prince resented being pulled away from his video game, and we talked about how we might need to limit his time on the games if he keeps up stamping and sighing when he’s called away from them. After that discussion he was noticeably more sanguine about interruptions.

All weekend I could feel my emotional reserves being refilled. Now the next two scenes in the book are ready inside my head, which means ready to go out my fingers and onto the screen.

But first…I’ve got to run. As addictions go, I like this one. I think I’ll keep it.

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