I’ll Say What I Want
It’s Monday, which means another chapter of Selene is up. I like this chapter and the next two, because we reach the point in the book where Selene starts acting instead of reacting. Then it’s a long ante-up until the end–and I warn you right now, boys and girls, the ending is the right one. (There is, after all, another Selene book to be written. Aren’t I evil?)
And this news item made me think of Caitlin Brennan’s The Mountain’s Call, which I think was the most awesome book to come out of the Luna line EVER.
Now for something a little different. I am very proud of myself this morning.
I received an email designed to throw me off-balance and threaten me, and it almost–almost did its job. However, all the drilling and practice and work I’ve done held up. Instead of running to the fridge or beating myself up, I called one of my lifelines–the Muffin. Who made time to listen, thank God.
His usual thing is, “If there is a problem, look for a gift that problem brings you.”
So I explained the email and he started to say, “Where is the gi–oh, wait a second. There’s no gift in that, honey. Just f!ck it. Don’t even respond.”
Which was good advice, and what I needed to hear. Then I went straight for the treadmill instead of the fridge. It was hard–well, let’s face it, the hardest part is strapping myself into the Sports Bra of Doom (that’s a whole ‘nother post). Once that’s done and my socks are on, I’m already too invested in the process to back out. So really, the battle is mostly won once I get the brassiere strapped on.
God, how applicable that is to life. *snerk*
Anyway, a half-hour on the treadmill, warmup and cooldown extra, purged a lot of the stress hormones/adrenaline and I’m feeling shaky but still on-balance. And it’s time for me to say something.
This is my journal and I’ll damn well say what I want. I don’t mention a lot of things and I change names/use pseudonyms, true. That’s called behaving responsibly toward other people’s privacy, and I do so as far as is reasonable and ethical.
But I will not be threatened and I will not stop saying what I want to say. If you don’t like it, nobody is twisting your arm to read this. The Net is wide. Go find another sandbox to play in if you don’t like mine–but don’t try to poop in my sandbox and call it “concern”. Don’t threaten me and play like you’re the injured party. Go somewhere else and complain to someone who will believe you, someone who doesn’t know you like I do.
So there. Nyaaaah. *sticks tongue out*
Enough of that, though. I am seriously feeling good about finding a healthier way to respond to all this. Let’s face it–there are precious few absolutely healthy ways to deal with a manipulator who knows where to tweak you. But there are healthier ways, like using your lifelines, avoiding the person as much as you can, and finding ways to get rid of your stress that won’t hurt your body. The exercise is better for me than stuffing my face is.
The real challenge is going to be dealing with this issue next time, because I’m sure there will be a next time. So pats on the head for me–and a renewed commitment to using the healthier methods of dealing with this next time.
It’s an uphill battle, but goddamn if it just didn’t get a little easier.
September 8th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
This may be just me, but the next chapter of Selene isn’t showing up anywhere. :/ The last one that’s up is chapter eight, and now I’m pining even worse for the next one after what you said at the beginning of this blog post!
I’m glad to hear you were able to rise above such a petty e-mail! It is always very hard, and I especially praise you for being able to walk away from the fridge — I probably would’ve been glued to it for the remainder of the day! But your husband (which I assume the Muffin is?) is very right, f*ck it! Some people hang around online just to make life hard for others, and spreading around as much pain as possible. Pay them no attention and I find they usually go away after a while.
September 8th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Oh, I just found it! Not in the table of contents, but I can go to chapter nine from chapter eight. So the first part of my previous comment seems to be outdated.
It was great, as usual!
September 8th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
Someone threatened you! Here? In what is in essence your online version of your [i]living room[/i]?
That’s so wrong.
September 8th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
i don’t like people like that…that’s just rude…i firmly believe in what goes around, comes around with a vengence…pay that buffoon no mind whatsoever…
September 8th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I have been a loyal and silent reader of your blog for over a year now and I have found your blog entertaining and thought-provoking, and have always cheered whenever you overcame your obstacles. I love your books and reading your blog gives me quite an insight into how such lovely writing comes out. You write the books I want to read; the most amazing thing about it is that the books you write are the books I’d write for myself to read!
I haven’t seen anything you’ve written that could get someone riled up (except maybe when you announce that a book has experienced a delay in publishing–that makes me want to start a riot). So I am breaking my silence and I’m posting something positive to balance out any negativity.
Okay, I’m going to go read Steelflower, which I have waited over a year to get in paperback (I’m not much into ebooks–I like holding a book, flipping real pages, and looking at the cover). It’s just too good…
September 9th, 2008 at 6:53 am
Like Kissa and Muffin said - screw them. It’s your place, you can say what you want, when you want.
I’ve read your blog since I don’t know when, but I”ve enjoyed them all, you’re thoughtful, insightful, and there have been some very thought provoking things said by both you and some commenters.
I say write on dear lady, write on!
September 9th, 2008 at 7:47 am
Life is always better when you can recognize, avoid, and ignore the drama mongers
(And it’s okay to get riled up by them sometimes as long as you do what you just did with this post… remind yourself that some people just can’t help themselves and it’s okay to give ‘em the virtual finger!)
~Sass~
September 9th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Yeah! Amen, sister! I’ve had people bully me about what I “should” or “shouldn’t” say in real life and on my blog. But I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of thought. And has been said here, this blog is like your cyber-living room. If people don’t like what you write, they can go elsewhere, to someone else’s living room. Heck, they can go to their own living room and spout all the vitriol they want!
I’m glad you have the Muffin. That was a good friend moment. Like you, I find it hard to ignore those types of things and move on. Those nasty little comments and emails niggle into the back part of your brain and insert themselves into the negative tapes in your head that already play too freely. But yeah, flick it and move on. You KNOW you are a good writer. You know you’re a good person.
And it’s your living room, dammit, you can say whatever the bleep you want!
September 9th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Behind every petty, threatening, pseudo-concerned email is a very jealous fan.
Rock on, sistah.
September 10th, 2008 at 6:15 am
There will always be petty tyrants out there trying to make themselves feel important by attempting to hurt others. Good for you that you were able to recognize vicious stupdity and respond in a healthy way rather than give the idiot any weight!
September 10th, 2008 at 10:42 am
You’re better than me. I would have read it, reread it and then posted it with snarky comebacks to all of the authors “concerns”. And bravo on the treadmill. I break out in hives just looking at one let alone attempting to use it for cathartic purposes.