Lilith Saintcrow

I started the Shakespeare project and have worked my way through The Tempest. Next is Two Gentlemen of Verona, not my favorite. But I shall persevere. I keep tempting myself with Richard III.

Yes, I’m weird.

I am glad I do not eat Brazilian yogurt.

I struggle every day with the cultural injunction to look like a twelve-year-old boy, when I am a woman of childbearing years. I’ve borne, nursed, and protected two children (and anyone else who happens along) and my body does show it. In the Renaissance I would be a goddess at my age, because I still have all my teeth and real hips. I mean, I’m glad to live today with proper plumbing and the right to vote (though the conservatives plan to strip that away probably, with my right to my own body) but I really, really have a problem with the media barrage of starving women presented as attractive.

In more important news, Oji-san is still hanging on. The kids and I spoke to him yesterday. That was difficult.

But this morning the surgeon suggested a new type of surgery, to put in an aortal stent. Human beings are very complex, and treating them is even more complex, so I can understand why things keep changing. All the same, it’s very hard on the DHM. He sounds as low as I’ve ever heard him.

I hate hearing someone in pain and being unable to help. I just HATE it. It’s the thing I hate most.

Thank you to everyone who has sent good wishes, energy, and thoughts. I really believe it helps. And it helps to know people are rooting for us. The support has just been tremendous. Thank you all.

Last of all, I’m getting first-pass pages of Saint City Sinners (Valentine 4), which is the last stage before ARCs and actual printing. That will push back the copyedits on 5, but it will also mean 4 is in bed and I don’t need to worry about it anymore.

Which will be uber-fantastic. One less thing to worry about, and God knows I need all of that I can.

I know I promised reader questions on Mondays. Unfortunately, life had other ideas today.

* My father-in-law is still in the hospital. Things are looking rather bad right now. Pardon me if I don’t give specifics. It’s just…well. ‘Nuff said.

* I got the car back. The parking brake even works. Huzzah! These guys treated me very well, indeed.

* The Princess was up at 4AM this morning with a cough and ear pain. The pain went away as soon as she sat up and blew her nose, and had a warm compress to her ear. Just drainage stuff, since she’s running no fever etc. But it was scary.

* Does two hours of sleep count as insomnia?

* The creeping crud the Princess caught has spread to the Little Prince. He’s cranky, refusing food, and only wanting to sleep. Plus, he is expressing his independence by throwing a fit every so often. And trying to refuse to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He seems to want to subsist on Goldfish crackers and Jello cups.

* I’ve started coughing and feel muzzy-headed myself, and the flushed feeling is a fever. Holding steady at 99.9, I’m dosing with tea, vitamin C, and lots of fluids. I made chicken soup, but my stomach doesn’t seem to want it, though the Sullen One assures me it’s a fine soup.

* There is a dog two or three houses away that’s been left out all day–and has complained, loudly and piteously. He sounds young. When will people realize that puppies are social animals? You wouldn’t leave a kid out in the back yard all day while you were at work, would you? Then again, people do amazingly cruel things to kids and pets all the time. *sigh*

* Driving back from the mechanic’s today, I obeyed the speed limit. People, it’s there for a reason. Tailgating me, honking, and trying to speed up and cut around me on a quiet residential street is not a good idea. I’m glad you got pulled over, Mr. Blue Honda Businessman. I hope the cop gave you a firm talking-to. I only wish the teenage girl yapping into her cell phone in her little red Toyota could have gotten pulled over too. I thought I was going to have to surgically remove her bonnet from my boot, and that’s not pleasant for everyone.

* The mechanic mentioned he wanted to read my poetry. Wow.

So. No questions today. I’m sorry. It’s taken me about five hours to put this blog post together, what with one thing and another and constant interruptions. I guess I’ll quit while I’m ahead and go take some paracetamol. Tonight I’m going to bed early, no matter what happens.

Hi everyone.

Not-so-good news this morning. I just spoke with the DHM. They canceled the esophageal observation on Oji-san (putting a fibreoptic down to check things out) this morning. They have visual confirmation the rip between the second and third layers of aorta is hemorrhaging. They say it can go anytime in the next couple of days, and it’s inoperable because Oji-san wouldn’t survive the operation.

The DHM is really feeling it. He was terribly down this morning. I don’t blame him. This is a bad turn, but I’m still holding on to hope. Stranger things have happened.

Please send any good thoughts you can spare.

My middle sister Trish is graduating from college today. She started out in Iowa and transferred to Western not so long ago. She’s worked her butt off.

Ever since she was a little girl, Trish has been a fierce perfectionist and a staunch individualist. She’s always pushed herself to more and better, and has a shot at Stanford or Yale now for postgrad stuff. Chemistry excited her, and she plays basketball like it’s going out of style. She reads, cooks, and does all things with such elan it’s hard to remember the little kid who tied a jumprope between two trees as a finish line for a race.

Yeah, Trish, I had to mention that.

I meant to be at her commencement, but with my car in the shop and the DHM tending to his father, it just wasn’t possible. I’ll be there in spirit, yelling my head off as she walks across the stage. I am so proud of her. Both of my sisters are far braver and better than I could ever hope to be, and I feel privileged to have seen them grow up.

Congratulations, Trish. Nobody’s worked harder for this. I am so proud of you.

My weekly post at the Midnight Hour is all about four rules of characterization. I almost forgot about it, this week has been so crazy.

I’m about to go get the car out of hock again. Good things: a new timing belt and brakes, not to mention serpentine belt and tie rod. I shall drive with confidence now, knowing that user error and not mechanical failure will be the biggest of my problems.

As usual. Just like life.

And why, when I have tons of work and a copyedited Valentine 5 to go through, do I want to do nothing but work on a story that will never sell, that is the literary equivalent of Twinkies? Why, I ask you? The Muse is certainly having a good laugh at my expense, the wench.

I so need some time to myself. I need to go to the track, put my headphones in, and just…walk for a while. As soon as the DHM comes home, I think I’ll need that more than anything. I don’t know how single mums do it. Well, I do know, because I’ve done it when the Princess was small. But goddamn. It’s hard work. Why more single mums don’t come down with psychotic breaks from lack of rest I’ll never know.

Have a good weekend, Readers. I am officially declaring this Be Kind To Yourself Weekend. Do something nice for yourself, no matter how small. It’s the only way to get through. And to get things started right, here’s the Star Trek Rhapsody. I LOVE this.