How I Will Spend My Summer Vacation, OR, Get Me Some Bard, Stat!
First of all, Mark Morford talks about reading Shakespeare over the summer. All of his plays, not just the favorites, even the boring ones. The moment I read this I thought, why didn’t I think of that? So I guess we know what I’m doing as soon as I finish this round of revisions and get the first draft of the Valentine book out.
That’s right. Settling down with my Compleat Shakespear and mainlining a few doses of the Bard. Pure and uncut, even. Literature right into the veins. You can’t beat that.
On a different, more activist note: there’s a big froufrou going on about WalMart slapping “organic” labels on food that doesn’t meet the USDA definition of “organic.” WalMartWatch has a little page where you can write the USDA, if you disagree with this practice, and maybe get the Evil Empire a slap on the wrist.
And now, on to something related to the first paragraph. I am about to give aspiring writers some free advice. Sit up and pay attention, because I don’t know if an editor will tell you this before chucking your submission into the rubbish bin.
Just because MS Word doesn’t red-underline the word does not mean it’s spelled correctly.
While working as submissions editor, I’ve read a lot of pretty good work that might have made the grade if not for the dismal inability of the author to fall in love with language. Sloppy writing is a symptom, of course, but there is another bigger mark of shame. It’s called the homophone.
A homophone is a word that sounds the same, yet has a different spelling and meaning from the word you meant to use.
Example: Theirs was an elicit love affair.
Barbarian hoards swept across the land.
He had a habit of burping in the throws of his passion.
Homophones and improper use (or non-use) of the possessive are the two biggest problems I used to have with writing that might have been good enough…but just wasn’t. If your story is wonderful, your concept fantastic, and your characters meaty, you can still strike out with homophone abuse. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to most editors. No, you don’t get points for correctly spelling a word that sounds like the word you wanted. You need to know the difference between elicit and illicit, pear and pare, hoards and hordes. (Not to mention throws and throes. One is used in wrestling and javelins. The other is used in the sack.)
The way to understand the difference is to be in love with words. Look them up, fer gosh sakes. Read enough to know when a word is used incorrectly. It is amazing to me how many people who want to write don’t want to read. What, they think they’re going to learn how to do this without reading? Perish the thought. (Yes, perish it. Don’t parish it. The Church hates that.) But mostly, you have to love words so much you can tell between homophones like they’re your own twin children.
This entire issue has been complicated by spellcheck. “But it’s SPELLED RIGHT! MS WORD SAYS SO!”
And the rusty gates of Writing Hell creak open once more.
If you are a writer, or are wanting to call yourself one, words are your tools. A master carpenter would not use the wrong tool, would he? Neither should you. You need to know what tools are out there (words, grammar, punctuation) and you need to know how to use them. Don’t think an editor will fix a little problem like this. It’s your problem to fix before you send your baby submission out in the world.
I did mention the improper use of possessives, right? I see this everywhere, not just in submissions. It’s is not the same as its. With the apostrophe it is the contraction of it is. Without the apostrophe it is a possessive, belonging to it. Another thing spellcheck won’t catch and the grammar check has trouble with. Do not depend on spellcheck or the grammar check function.
On that path lies danger, and it’s not just a gom jabbar.
I usually consider myself a fair and just person. (As much as the next girl, that is, which may not be very much.) So I’ll give an author a homophone or two, just out of charity. Even the best fingers can stutter on the keyboard. God knows I’ve come across a few of my own finger-stutter errors in print, and it’s just as jarring.
But when I see four or five in a short story, or even three in a chapter, it’s on the borderline. More than that, and the submission went in the reject pile (when I was editing) or set back on the shelf (while I’m browsing in the store).
So. Budding writers, beware the homophone. It is not your friend, despite the fact that it (in the short term) saves you the work of correcting it by slipping under spellcheck’s radar. The only cure is being such a word geek you can spot a homophone a mile away on a rainy day.
It’s not such a bad cure, after all.
