Lilith Saintcrow

So. Two of my favorite things, Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab and the wonderful Neil Gaiman, are now together. Every penny earned by these perfumes goes to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund.

I ask you, does it get any better than this? Go and shop, and have fun.

First of all, Mark Morford talks about reading Shakespeare over the summer. All of his plays, not just the favorites, even the boring ones. The moment I read this I thought, why didn’t I think of that? So I guess we know what I’m doing as soon as I finish this round of revisions and get the first draft of the Valentine book out.

That’s right. Settling down with my Compleat Shakespear and mainlining a few doses of the Bard. Pure and uncut, even. Literature right into the veins. You can’t beat that.

On a different, more activist note: there’s a big froufrou going on about WalMart slapping “organic” labels on food that doesn’t meet the USDA definition of “organic.” WalMartWatch has a little page where you can write the USDA, if you disagree with this practice, and maybe get the Evil Empire a slap on the wrist.

And now, on to something related to the first paragraph. I am about to give aspiring writers some free advice. Sit up and pay attention, because I don’t know if an editor will tell you this before chucking your submission into the rubbish bin.

Just because MS Word doesn’t red-underline the word does not mean it’s spelled correctly.

While working as submissions editor, I’ve read a lot of pretty good work that might have made the grade if not for the dismal inability of the author to fall in love with language. Sloppy writing is a symptom, of course, but there is another bigger mark of shame. It’s called the homophone.

A homophone is a word that sounds the same, yet has a different spelling and meaning from the word you meant to use.

Example: Theirs was an elicit love affair.
Barbarian hoards swept across the land.
He had a habit of burping in the throws of his passion.

Homophones and improper use (or non-use) of the possessive are the two biggest problems I used to have with writing that might have been good enough…but just wasn’t. If your story is wonderful, your concept fantastic, and your characters meaty, you can still strike out with homophone abuse. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to most editors. No, you don’t get points for correctly spelling a word that sounds like the word you wanted. You need to know the difference between elicit and illicit, pear and pare, hoards and hordes. (Not to mention throws and throes. One is used in wrestling and javelins. The other is used in the sack.)

The way to understand the difference is to be in love with words. Look them up, fer gosh sakes. Read enough to know when a word is used incorrectly. It is amazing to me how many people who want to write don’t want to read. What, they think they’re going to learn how to do this without reading? Perish the thought. (Yes, perish it. Don’t parish it. The Church hates that.) But mostly, you have to love words so much you can tell between homophones like they’re your own twin children.

This entire issue has been complicated by spellcheck. “But it’s SPELLED RIGHT! MS WORD SAYS SO!”

And the rusty gates of Writing Hell creak open once more.

If you are a writer, or are wanting to call yourself one, words are your tools. A master carpenter would not use the wrong tool, would he? Neither should you. You need to know what tools are out there (words, grammar, punctuation) and you need to know how to use them. Don’t think an editor will fix a little problem like this. It’s your problem to fix before you send your baby submission out in the world.

I did mention the improper use of possessives, right? I see this everywhere, not just in submissions. It’s is not the same as its. With the apostrophe it is the contraction of it is. Without the apostrophe it is a possessive, belonging to it. Another thing spellcheck won’t catch and the grammar check has trouble with. Do not depend on spellcheck or the grammar check function.

On that path lies danger, and it’s not just a gom jabbar.

I usually consider myself a fair and just person. (As much as the next girl, that is, which may not be very much.) So I’ll give an author a homophone or two, just out of charity. Even the best fingers can stutter on the keyboard. God knows I’ve come across a few of my own finger-stutter errors in print, and it’s just as jarring.

But when I see four or five in a short story, or even three in a chapter, it’s on the borderline. More than that, and the submission went in the reject pile (when I was editing) or set back on the shelf (while I’m browsing in the store).

So. Budding writers, beware the homophone. It is not your friend, despite the fact that it (in the short term) saves you the work of correcting it by slipping under spellcheck’s radar. The only cure is being such a word geek you can spot a homophone a mile away on a rainy day.

It’s not such a bad cure, after all.

And a fine good morning to you.

Last night we watched Shane–the Alan Ladd version. As a Western dealing with the theme of emotional infidelity, I liked the book better. But then again, I would. I’d like to see a very dirty, gritty, Deadwood-esque Shane. I think that would be killer.

Anyway, I have good news but I can’t share it yet until I get permission. Yaay! I will just say I danced around in a circle squeeing my lungs out. It’s happy news. I can’t wait to be able to tell you.

Now, on to the next thing: the mighty podcast. I’ll be doing a podcast, probably some time in late March/early April. And what will this podcast entail?

Well, that’s up to you. Here’s how it works: you send your questions to me. I’ll answer as many as I can in an hour-long podcast, which subscribers to my newsletter The Dark Side will get a link to.

What I will answer: questions about writing, Danny Valentine, the Watchers, the Society, publishing, and general subjects.

What I won’t answer: Politics. Personal questions. And “how do I get an agent/publisher/contract” questions. I’ve been getting a lot of those lately.

So. Think of a question you’d like to ask me and send it to the above email address, and sometime in March we’ll have ourselves a little chat. Just me and you, dear Readers.

ALSO, don’t forget about the ongoing contests! So far the Japhrimel Slogan contest is getting the most response. I haven’t seen much art or fiction. *sad panda face* We’re getting near the deadline, so I’m hoping for a last-minute rush. Optimism strikes eternal.

Today is a lovely day, full of wind and sunshine. It’s a bit chilly, but spring is in the air and a bounce is in my step, for once. Off I go to make a dent in some copyedits, dear Reader. I hope you are having a wonderful week.

Cost of one movie ticket on Fandango: $10
Headache because of dehydration: annoying
Seeing a Bond movie with pretty blue-blue-eyed Daniel Craig running around and getting hit in the naughtybits with a big rope: priceless.

Yes, I went and saw Casino Royale. With the Sullen Teen, no less. I LOVE me some Bond movie action. Not as much as my sisters, mind you (especially the sis who was into MacGyver), but I love me some Bond action. And this isn’t the dapper Bond. This is a street-fighting, car-chasing, poker-playing, hard-drinking Bond. Daniel Craig has the prettiest blue eyes EVER, and some very nice shoulders.

The only problems with the movie were: the beginning credits look like the Seventies vomited all over them, and the Bond-In-Love scenes were so over-the-top you just knew (spoiler ahead) that the chick was going to bite it. You can’t sleep with Bond and live, you know. Which is why if I ever met him, I’d be careful to just be the sharp-tongued female foil who for some reason is immune to his manly charms.

Or something.

I also (gasp) went to a church yesterday.

No, I’m not turning religious. The Muse demanded some time in a Catholic church to feed the next Kismet book. Which I am NOT WORKING ON (do you hear me, Selkie?) but I am THINKING ABOUT. And after 2K words just fell out of my head yesterday on the Valentine book and I finally threw away the old outline (I should know better) I figured the Muse could do with a little feeding.

The other big thing that happened yesterday was the Cleaning. I rounded up everyone who lives here and set them to work. Front and back yard tidied? Check. The Princess’s room tidied? Check. Toys picked up? Check. Windows and mirrors cleaned? Check.

The Sullen Teen, who got the windows and mirrors job, even cleaned the outside of some of the windows. Which was very carefully not included in the job when I gave it to him. When I enquired, he hunched his shoulders and muttered, “Quite frankly, you’re not tall enough. I’ve got it.”

God bless kids.

The DHM actually managed to keep the kitchen from exploding while I was gone too. I came home to a clean kitchen and mostly-folded clothes. All in all, it was a good end to a weekend. Now the house is semi-clean, I’m going to ignore it for a few days while I work on the Book. Still sick of it, but at least it’s moving now. We’re in what used to be Venezuela, and all hell’s about to break loose when Danny finds out where the other half of the Knife is stored…

My weekly post is up at the Midnight Hour. It’s about monsters, what I think monsters are, and how to Love Them.

Giggle.

I’m taking the kids to the museum today to see the Egyptian exhibit, so this is short and sweet. I must write about what the Selkie and I did last night (it involves book restoration and a man who makes his own glue) but unfortunately I have no time.

Catch you on the flip side, Readers. Have a great weekend!