I Should Be Over This By Now
I really should. I should not be obsessing. I should not be having trouble sleeping. I should not be having difficulty keeping real food down.
But it’s less than a month before DMR comes out. And I’m a wreck already. If I don’t get sick it will be a miracle.
Everyone tells me I shouldn’t worry so much. Still, the voice of insecurity blooms thick and rank.
What if nobody likes it? What if it flops and the publishing company decides I’m no longer worth spending time on? What if everybody hates the series? What if there’s a big hole in the book that nobody told me about because they thought I knew? What if this book is the last one I ever sell? What if?
Ah, the Scylla of insecurity and the Charybdis of self-hatred. I wish I could lash myself to the mast and sail through these rocks.
I know it will get better, that I will wake up September first and be mostly over it, because by then it will be too late. There will be nothing I can do to stop the book from going out into the world like a kid off to college, ready to get bruised and knocked by the real world. I will be at home, where they always know they have a place, even if the whole world turns against them.
But oh, my heart aches.
Nobody tells you, when you’re trying to get a book published, of the stress that ensues if you actually do. It’s just the same level stress as submission and rejection, only in different areas–am I going to miss my deadline? Will the editor like this round of revisions? Will we go over budget because of some mistake on my part? Will the readers hate it?
Really, there’s nothing for it but to put one’s head down and wade through. Let the waves of terror pass through you, over you, under you. Find some way to get through the nights. Just do something–and keep writing.
It’s the only time I’m not worrying, when I’m writing. Go figure.
So I’m playing the soundtrack for the book over and over again, listening while I go about my work. I’m taking pictures like mad. I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get everything done before DragonCon.
…and the voices are still crying inside my head. What if, what if, what if.
Let’s hope I get through this one.
No related posts.
August 7th, 2006 at 12:24 pm
*hands Lili chocolate, potato chips and alcohol*
It will all be over soon.
And DMR will be GREAT!
August 7th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
I loved DMR! So no worries. DMR will be cherished by your readers. But I can imagine how you feel, I’m going through something similar with my manuscript (except different b/c there’s no book). It feels sort of like going to work naked, doesn’t it?
Also I still think you should strike a cross-marketing deal with kleenex–perhaps one of those little purse packs free with every copy of DMR? Ooo and some chocolate too.
Hey and I was googling voodoo the other day (as writers are wont to do for various reasons, not all of them nefarious) and I found a reference to Chango, which, if I remember correctly, is the deity Jace refers to all the time. And I thought, I know Chango from DMR. How cool is that? I never knew Chango before and now he’s all over the place.
Okay, done babbling now.
But you’ll be fine. DMR will be fine. Really.
M
August 7th, 2006 at 9:43 pm
Dear Lilith,
I just wanted you to know that I loved DMR. And even though I hated that the demon died(I read to many romances), I loved the book. I can’t wait for the next one to come out. It was a very memorable story.
August 8th, 2006 at 3:55 am
*hugs offered*
Personally, I’ll be shocked if the book doesn’t rock, because I’ve been impressed with everything I’ve read from you. There might be aspects I don’t necessarily like — the ending of WftD, for example
— but that doesn’t tend to affect how much I like the book overall. (Yes, I know that sounds weird.)
As for this:
“Nobody tells you, when you’re trying to get a book published, of the stress that ensues if you actually do. It’s just the same level stress as submission and rejection, only in different areas–am I going to miss my deadline? Will the editor like this round of revisions? Will we go over budget because of some mistake on my part? Will the readers hate it?”
I’ve been a member of writing communities where there were published writers who freely and frankly talked about the business (and at some points tried to talk people out of trying for it). Being prepared is a good thing, but at least for me, it’s resulted in a lot of stress about not being able to “handle it” if/when it happens even though it hasn’t.
*offers good coffee and hazelnut truffles*
I’m sure everything will work out fine with DMR.