Not Unambitious

Woodcut of a unicorn It’s NaNo time again! This year I’ll be focusing on finishing Gallow 2 and Rattlesnake Wind (thank you to everyone who contributed through Patreon for a sneak peek, if you haven’t received it please let me know) during November. Lest that seem unambitious, there’s two other books–Gallow 1 and Agent Zero–that I’m in the revisions and edits process for, too. It’s the song that never ends–and I’m damn glad about that.

The winter rains have started in earnest. I’ve already forgotten summer. Watching the leaves change is now a season of profound relief for me, spurred by the thought that I will never again have to rake until my hands bleed because I am an adult, dammit, and nobody can make me. Except myself. While I don’t mind forcing myself to do things, I very much mind being forced by someone else. This was a feature of my personality several people tried to beat out of me growing up. It just made me more stubborn. Which is a good thing, because I wouldn’t have survived said beatings or the assorted other “punishments” if I hadn’t been tenaciously clinging to life and some degree of psychic wholeness.

I suppose I go through a phase of taking stock every year about this time. Finding things to be, if not happy about, then at least moderately pleased by. This is the first year since buying the house that I’ve actually managed to take a deep breath and settle into thinking okay, things are good. Bouncing back after years of panic attacks and stress is a long process, I guess. Maybe it’s just that I’m lucky to have the luxury of recovery. As it is, I feel like I’ve finally caught up on sleep after years of persistent insomnia. Blinking, peering out of a cave, rubbing the frowstiness out of my eyes.

And now, it’s time to start on my very ambitious Monday. Between bread-making, the chicken stock to attend to, milk to pick up, and wordcount (as well as copyedits) to take a look at, it promises to be a doozy.

At least I don’t have to rake leaves. Because I don’t want to.

Over and out.

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  • Version of same song here, I don’t clean my plate because I don’t have to dammit.

  • Thank goodness they didn’t manage to break you. Good for you for being that stubborn and truly inspiring.

  • wolflahti

    So I discover that “frowsty” is a real word. Who’d a thunk it?

  • I like that word a lot. I probably use it more than I should.