Icky Icky

psychoanalysed I’ve switched over to Safari instead of Firefox, which upsets me a great deal. This is why. At least they’re admitting it was a mistake, so maybe at some point I’ll go back. It irks me, because a lot of the things I love about Firefox, Safari doesn’t do so well, even though it’s native to Mac. Oh well.

I’ve been reading up this morning on a nasty bit of business in SFF fandom. Yes, it’s Requires Hate, and if you’re interested, here’s a rundown on what the hell. Ten years is a long time for someone to run rampant with trollage and hatred. I’m just glad it’s come to light now, and that it’s over. I never had a brush with the person in question, but I saw some of the ancillary damage caused. Icky.

You know what else is icky? Thinking someone is perfectly nice, liking them a lot, but then when things don’t work out quite the way they want, having them develop a virulent case of Nice Guy Syndrome. Pro tip: when I say I’ll speak to you when I’m ready, pressuring me will not work. The only thing it does is make me withdraw. Just because I don’t respond in someone else’s timeframe doesn’t mean I don’t care–but trying to guilt me into working on your emotional schedule will never end well. And when I’ve blocked you on my various social media feeds and you text me something from one feed that you imagine is ALL ABOUT YOU? That’s, well, creepy. Also, sending me this snotty link after I tell you to leave me the fuck alone just makes me want to send you this one in return, and noting #5 is particularly applicable.

*dusts hands together* There. That, indeed, is that.

So this morning is for listening to the Beatles (still on my Fab Four kick) and moving on with the Red Clan having kidnapped Gallow and Robin, and the consequences of that. There’s also one scene closer to the end of Rattlesnake to get through. The book is eating my head, for God’s sake, and I just want to kick every other project away for a little while so I can finish it. Alas, that’s a luxury I don’t have. So once more into the breach, dear friends.

Over and out.

  • martianmooncrab

    mean people suck.

  • assumptionsoflife

    I completely understand what your going through. I ended up nixing a very close and important family member from life for my own health and said no contact, give me time. Did they? No, within a few weeks the nasty emails and demands of say something to them started. I have ignored them for 3 years but each time I see their email ( dang gmail has no block option) I dig in my heels more and hide in my corner a little farther. Love your link, I am giving it to my husband to help him “get” me a little bit better. Thanks for that. I read the first link, I don’t agree 100%. I see where many writers fall into that pocket, but if we are INFJ’s the stereotyping of that list is a bit egotistical. Just my two cents. Keep on truckin’ you kick ass writer girl.

  • Mel

    Please ignore me if you already know this, but it’s possible to use gmail filters to effectively block people (as long as they don’t change their email addresses all the time). Here’s a guide to using gmail filters https://support.google.com/mail/answer/6579?hl=en. What it doesn’t clearly say is that you can have the filter automatically delete those messages for you, or archive them so you don’t have to see them unless you go looking for them, or forward them to another email address entirely (and delete them from your gmail account) so you *really* can’t see them unless you go looking for them.

    Feel free to reply here if you have any trouble, I feel very strongly about people not having to endure harassment.

  • Thanks, Mel. That was the information I wanted to give, but you beat me to it.

  • assumptionsoflife

    Thank you so much Mel and Lili. After last month I had had it and went searching for a viable option that did not include getting rid of my main email of 5 years. I found the Instructions you mentioned and put it into my filters. I greatly appreciate that you left your comment. Makes me feel less silly for taking this so seriously. 🙂

  • Having been raised by people who trespassed pretty much every boundary a child needs to build or develop, I very much take this sort of thing seriously. It’s not silly at all to filter your email. It’s self-protective, and actually quite healthy.

  • smoot

    chrome. yes on no-firefox but safari…yikes. so best for now is google’s spawn

  • Ugh. I’m sorry you’re still having to deal with this guy.

  • I had thought being friendly was still an option. I was wrong. Lesson learned. *shrug*

  • Mel

    That’s not silly at all, harassment is harassment no matter what medium your harasser uses. I moved without giving a forwarding address to a relative I no longer wanted to have contact with, and my god what an incredible relief it was to know that I would never ever get another letter that would mess up my whole week.

    Just because someone may not be showing up at your house to scream at you in person doesn’t mean it isn’t incredibly stressful to know they can ruin your day whenever they want.

    And while I’m at it, the gmail thing is just bad design. If they can have an option to translate a message, they can damned well add an option to block email addresses. As a programmer myself I’m annoyed they can’t be bothered to add it because it wouldn’t even be that hard.

  • Ugh, “Nice Guy Syndrome”… Had to deal with quite a few guys like this. Why yes, I am nice to all of my friends, but no I don’t want to sleep with my friends. Also that would be weird. That’s why I have my fiancé (one of the reasons). At least he treats me like a human and not like some piece of meat. So yes, there are still some decent guys out there, but finding one is not that easy.

    That’s why I also hated Xander while watching Buffy. Mr Nice Guy, right there.

    Sorry you have to go through this.

    I use Opera, Firefox refused to work on my last computer. Crazy, I know. Stopped working from one day to the next.