Fred and George Go Exploring

Phil & Willard Fred and George had escaped, and found out they weren’t in Melbourne anymore. There were perils unknown in this new place…

 

 

 

Phil & Willard“EEEEK!”
“WHA–OH MY GOD!”
Phil: Chill, little dudes. It’s just Willard.
“HE’S ROTTING!”
Phil: We call it flesh-challenged. Don’t worry, he only eats concrete. You’re safe.
“WAIT A SECOND. YOU’RE AMERICAN!”
Phil: Molded and cast, yep. You want a hit off the bong?
“GEORGE, RUN!”

 

Hide in the Basil “HIDE HERE, GEORGE. IT’S SAFER. IF ANYTHING IS SAFE. WE’RE IN AMERICA!”
“AMERICA? WHERE THEY HAVE BIG MACS?”
“AND SUVs. AND GIGANTIC CERAMIC-EATING SQUIRRELS!”
“FRED, CALM DOWN. YOU’RE GONNA PASS OUT, YOU KEEP BREATHING LIKE THAT.”
“CALM DOWN? WE’RE NOT EVEN IN THE COMMONWEALTH!”
“BUT THERE’S PROBABLY FOOD.”
“I DON’T CARE!”

 

 

Welcome to the Jungle “BLOODY AMERICANS.”
“THEY DIDN’T SEEM SO BAD, FRED.”
“WE’LL NEVER DRINK PROPER TEA AGAIN! OR EAT TIMTAMS! OR–”
“FRED, SLOW DOWN. LOOK, IF WE GOT HERE, WE CAN GET BACK.”
“BUT WE’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO WASH THE SMELL OFF!”
“YOU’RE A BIT OF A BIGOT, THERE, SQUIRE.”
“JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT INDISCRIMINATE WITH MY AFFECTIONS–”
“LOOK! LOOK!”
“DON’T RUN AWAY, DAMN YOU, GEORGE. I’M JUST GETTING STARTED.”

 

 

King of the World, Again “I’M KING OF THE WORLD! AGAIN!”
“NEVER. EVER. WATCHING. A MOVIE. EVER.”
“WELL, THAT’S ONE THING ABOUT AMERICA, RIGHT? MOVIE THEATRES! POPCORN! CHEAP DVDs!”
“WE HAD THOSE IN MELBOURNE TOO!”
“BUT AN AMERICAN MOVIE IN AN AMERICAN THEATRE–”
“GEORGE, FOR GOD’S SAKE, FOCUS. WE HAVE TO GET HOME.”
“SUIT YOURSELF. I’M GOING TO STICK AROUND A WHILE.”

 

 

Freeze “FINE. STAY IN THE CULTURAL ARMPIT OF THE GLOBE. I’M GOING TO–”
“FRED.”
“SHUT UP. I’M GOING TO GO HOME, WHERE THERE’S DECENT TEA AND BILLYS IN THE BACKYARD AND–”
“FRED!”
“AND PROPER BISCUITS AND NO ROTTING THINGS–”
FRED! STOP!
Mad Tortie: Did someone say tea and–What the hell’s this?

 

 

Just Don't Move “DON’T MOVE, FRED.”
“IT’S SNIFFING ME!”
“JUST DON’T MOVE.”
Mad Tortie: Seriously? This is what we’re doing nowadays? So gauche.
“OH PLEASE GOD DON’T LET IT EAT ME–”
“I DON’T THINK IT’S A WOMBAT.”
Mad Tortie: Mph. Call me when it’s teatime.
“WAIT, IS IT BRITISH?”

Be Vewwy Quiet “JUST KEEP MOVING.”
“I COULD SWEAR IT SAID SOMETHING ABOUT TEA.”
“I’M JUST GLAD IT DIDN’T EAT US.”
“DEFINITELY NOT A WOMBAT.”
“WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT WOMBATS? YOU’RE OBSESSED.”
“HER NAME WAS CYNTHIA, AND SHE WAS SCARY.”

 

 

Climbing “THE SMELL’S NOT THAT BAD. IT’S LIKE FRESH AIR, BUT WITHOUT EUCALYPTUS.”
“NO DUST, EITHER. IT’S QUIET. REALLY QUITE CHARMING, IF YOU OVERLOOK THE–”
“OH, DON’T START, FRED. CAN’T YOU EVER ENJOY ANYTHING?”
“I ENJOY PLENTY OF THINGS!”
“WAY I FIGURE IS, THERE’S FOOD, AND NOT A LOT OF COMPETITION, AND IF WE CAN JUST FIND SOME SHELTER, WE’LL BE ALL RI–HOLY MARY, WHAT’S THAT?”

 

Squirrel Fibre “IT’S A…I DON’T KNOW.”
“IT LOOKS LIKE FOOD, AND SMELLS LIKE FOOD, BUT IT TASTES LIKE…”
“LIKE WHAT?”
“LIKE BENEFIBER. OR METAMUCIL. THE PLAIN STUFF, NOT BERRY FLAVOUR.”
“DON’T EAT IT! YOU DON’T KNOW IF IT’S SAFE!”
“TOO LATE. CRIKEY, I WON’T HAVE ANY TROUBLE GETTING THE LOAD OUT WITH THIS, WILL I. THERE’S ENOUGH FOR MONTHS.”
“MUST YOU REDUCE EVERYTHING TO YOUR BOWELS?”
“YOU KNOW, FRED, SOME OF THIS MIGHT DO YOU A WORLD OF GOOD. YOU’RE ALWAYS SO CRANKY.”
“COME ON.”

 

 

 

 

It's Art, Dumbass “NOW, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.”
“SHE’S VERY…”
“BIPEDAL?”
“WOT? SHE’S VERY NAKED. NO FUR AT ALL, LOOKS LIKE.”
“IT’S ART, DUMBASS.”
“LOOKS MORE LIKE PAGE THREE TO ME.”
“IF YOU WOULDN’T READ CHEAP TABLOIDS–”
“YOU’RE BLUSHING.”
“I AM NOT!”
“FRED, ARE YOU…YOU ARE! YOU’VE GOT A BONER FOR A BIPED!”
“I DO NOT, GEORGE. YOU’RE SO GODDAMN GAUCHE.”
“YOU AND YOUR PONCEY FRENCH–”
“I’M WARNING YOU.”

 

 

 

 

To be continued…

  • martian moon crab

    Gnomes! Nekkid Wimmyn statues! Mad Cats with English Attitudes!