Fred and George Flee in Fear

What do you think?Squirrels. In my house. In my house.

Again.

And they had just realized they were not alone…

Not Alone “UM, FRED?”
“SHHH! SHHHH!”
“DO YOU SEE THAT?”
“SHUT UP. I THINK IT THINKS WE’RE DECORATIONS.”
“WHAT IS IT?”
“GEORGE, SHUT UP.”
Miss B: *blinks*

 

Freeze! “JUST FREEZE. STAY STILL.”
“OH GOD I DON’T WANNA DIE–”
“GEORGE, IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP, I WILL HELP THAT THING EAT YOU.”
“IS IT A WOMBAT? I DON’T MIND BEING EATEN IF IT’S A WOMBAT–”
“SHUT. THE FUCK. UP, GEORGE.”
“FRED…I HAVE TO PISS.”
“OH FOR THE LOVE OF…”

 

Really?

Miss B: Really? Really?

 

 

 

 

We're Safe “HIDE! HIDE HERE!”
“IS THAT A WOMBAT? IS IT, FRED?”
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT IT’S NOT A GODDAMN WOMBAT. JUST LET ME THINK FOR A BIT.”
“I STILL HAVE TO PISS.”
“YOU CAN HOLD IT.”
“FRED…I THINK I HAVE TO MORE-THAN-PISS. YEH, I’M PRETTY SURE I DO.”
“COME BACK! DON’T RUN THAT WAY!”
“GOTTA FIND A CORNER, MATE…”
“OH, FOR CHRISSAKE.”

 

Down Here “I CAN’T PISS HERE. IT’S ALL HARD AND SHINY.”
“SO? DOES IT MATTER WHERE YOU PEE?”
“IT’LL GET MY PAWS WET.”
“SINCE WHEN HAS THAT EVER STOPPED YOU?”
“LOOK, IT’S EMBARRASSING.”
“YOU SPENT LAST NIGHT BURIED IN A POUCH FROM CANBERRA. CAN YOU EVER BE EMBARRASSED AGAIN?”
“YOU’RE JUST JEALOUS.”

 

 

Oh noes “FRED–”
“AND FURTHERMORE, WHEN WE GET HOME, I AM THROWING YOUR SHIT OUT OF THE APARTMENT.”
“FRED–”
“I AM TIRED OF YOUR DRINKING AND YOUR IRRESPONSIBILITY.”
“FRED–”
“AND YOU SNORE. DID YOU KNOW THAT? LOUDLY.”
“FRED!”
“WHAT?”
“LOOK UP THERE.”

 

 

Run Away! “RUN AWAY!”

  • I have had the most helacious week and I have the plague. Thank you for this. This has just made my day

  • martian moon crab

    I thought Odd might try to swallow them…

  • Kristina L.

    As I’m reading this, I can hear their Aussie-inflected squirrel voices squeaking in terror and desperation. Thank you, I haven’t laughed this much in ages!

  • Denisetwin

    YAY!

  • Becca

    OMG. I completly agree with Kristina. I nearly fell of my chair laughing. Every one my office thinks I have gonne round the twist. Thank you!