Life, Miscellaneous

Circling the Drain

Grab the kids and head for the hills. For today, my dear Readers, today…

…I plumb.

The J-trap on the kitchen sink has a cracked nut, and there are some other issues with it, too. (Don’t ask. We’ve lived here 11 years, FFS. Things get worn out.) So, today’s Grand Odyssey is tripartite:

1. Take off old J-trap. Figure out how to arrange things so I don’t forget and turn the water on in the kitchen sink. Laugh at myself for the notion. Forget at least once, clean up resulting mess.

2. Go to Home Depot. Wander around for a little while, clutching my worn-out plumbing parts and looking like a fool. Find the plumbing section. Compare and contrast every available thing in the plumbing aisle to what I’m holding in my hot little hands. Try to figure out if I should get extras of anything. You know, JUST IN CASE. Maybe today the stars will align and someone in an orange apron will ask me if I need help. (I am not counting on this.)

3. Drive home, spread out all replacement parts, check the “Do It Yourself! Plumbing” book the Selkie so kindly jammed in her most recent delivery of Look, Stuff Lili Needs, and struggle and swear until I have it approximately fixed. Clean up resulting mess (again).

I am thinking Step 2 may need to be repeated several times. Apparently any trip I make to Home Depot bears stunning resemblance to circling a drain (ha, see what I did there? I KILL me!) and I usually find out, once I’ve hurt myself and achieved an atom-bomb level of frustration, that I’m missing one crucial bit and I have to go back.

So, I am as prepared as I can be for this. I’m wearing my Superman shirt and my lucky earrings. I have prayed to the gods and the patron saint of plumbers, and made suitable offerings. (Booze can’t hurt, right? RIGHT?) Nos morituri, and all that.

I’ll let you know how it works out.

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